Chrissy Renee is an Author, Blogger, and overall Creative eager to impact the world at large. Her desire is to become a full-time Philanthropist and Author. Renee is passionate about inspiring and encouraging others.
When folks are determined not to get to know you or fail to interact they will find all excuses to justify their social bias. Just like pictures are worth a thousand words, it’s the same for body language. Speech, behavior, and interaction(or lack thereof) speak volumes. Things such as ostracism, love, toleration, or a sense of belonging are all factors we can feel and interpret.
I want to focus on toleration vs. acceptance. These are silent but huge factors of life. We have things we say and don’t say. Sometimes it’s a huge conversation and other times it’s the big elephant in the rooms that leaves people feeling awkward and left to make assumptions. Someone needs to hear this, toleration isn’t love. It has no place in any sincere relationship. It’s either you are with me or your not. It is time to make things black and white, no shades of gray. The days where we accepted Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde relationships and personalities are over. We all need to choose. When I say choose, I mean take a stand, not to pick a side. Let’s have those difficult conversations and figure out if we would be open enough to accept new and different people or chose to live life in a clique or box rejecting everyone that doesn’t resemble, speak, act or relate to you like your circle does. You may ask “why tolerate someone I would just leave them alone?” Glad you thought about it…
Some have a “good Samaritan” syndrome where they want to look good for doing good and being in your life. It’s a nice story to tell a version that’s plastered with facades and ulterior motives. Other’s may tolerate you because they feel they owe you something and aim to even the score. For some it could be pitiful posture, maybe you have endured a series of unfortunate events and circumstances, and you are kept around because some form of guilt or pity is present. Another type would tolerate you because you bring something undeniable to the table that they need. You may not be needed but your gifts, talents, and abilities serve some purpose they can use. Very few will embrace you because their hearts are open and TRUST me you will KNOW the difference.
Real love and acceptance aren’t things that can be faked. It is so palpable and tangible and permeates leaving you with no doubt. If you have a general problem of accepting or recognizing love in its authentic form then that’s another blog topic to do a deep dive in. For those who may be empaths or empathic and aware, picking up social cues is innate. Your ability to decode and interpret may be keen. Your emotional intelligence can feel like a blessing and a curse. You can’t discern the difference so I encourage you to trust your gut.
Never compromise peace and your emotional well-being just to be surrounded for a moment. If you haven’t already, you would experience and void and emptiness that pretense cannot fill. Love really does concur all. If you’re going to love, do it hard, go full throttle, and be sincere. You never know who needs all of your genuineness. We speak so much about philanthropy and giving back but sometimes the best change and impact you can do in the world around you is to present real love, accept someone for who they are entirely, and let them know how you feel. Whose life have you impacted lately?
They say that “experience is the best teacher”, that’s speculative but I agree in some sense. In life, sometimes you gotta lose enough times to build a strategy from the ground up, gain insight, or see things from a different perspective. These are the defining moments in our lives where we get “gritty” and hungry enough to get the mindset to succeed. We gain strength, a backbone, agility, and tenacity to win. Losing isn’t fun but it’s a part of life. Now one we should embrace and get comfortable with but know it’s a temporary place of disappointment and use it as a stepping stone for forwarding movement and learning. Dr. Courtney M. Bradley says “you can have a situation but the situation doesn’t have to have you!”.
Losing teaches you about what you have within you. Nothing is more revelatory than the times of distress or trouble when we discover who we are and what we possess within. I encourage you not to give up. Oftentimes, our eyes (vision) can get adjusted to the darkness that sudden light will shock and be hurtful. However, if you keep some light on (hope) you will be able to handle the light in its fullness and adjust smoother. You must remain hopeful and remain prepared for when that light opportunity comes bursting through. Sometimes we lose so much that when a win happens, we don’t know how to recognize, receive or rejoice in it. It’s like that now but it would not always be like this forever. Try again, dry your eyes again, stand again, create again, believe again, and dream again but bigger. SUCCESS IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF DISAPPOINTMENT!. YOU CANNOT GIVE UP NOW, YOU MUST SEE AND WITNESS THE SUN-RISE AT THE HORIZON.
The face of entrepreneurship has dramatically changed. Statistically, today’s entrepreneur is fourteen percent female and almost twenty-nine percent represent a minority group. They make up a great portion of the United States GDP (Gross Domestic Product) which is the sum of businesses that add to the American economy. Talk about grit and determination. These groups were often underestimated in the past, but are making their mark as they impact and influence several markets.
Traditionally, people would attend a university and rack up thousands in fees or work a nine to five in hopes that their efforts are acknowledged and compensated. The ladder of success seemed to have been missing some steps making things incredibly difficult for people to reach the top without having assistance. If you pay attention, the million and billionaires who grace covers of magazines are getting younger and diversity, more prominent. Entrepreneurship is the preferred avenue to achieve ultimate life goals. Today, we are in an era of the “woke” generation. There is awareness about any and everything because the information is at our fingertips. Social Media, viral videos, innovative ideas, and technological creations have allowed many to attain wealth quickly. “Throw away the ladder, airlift me to the destination,” says the mindsets of Millennials and Gen Z’s. Hard work is still applauded but they abide by the concept of “Working smarter, not harder!”. If you’re going to do a job, do what you love. People today don’t want to be subjected to a system, ill-treatment (from superiors), or disappointed by unsatisfactory salaries. If you’re going to “go hard” let it be for something you are passionate about that’s ultimately beneficial.
Many are supporting black-owned businesses and other cultural groups to prove that they are not unconsciously biased and contribute to change. Many African Americans believe that supporting a black-owned organization or enterprise is the fulfillment of an Ancestors’ dream. Many would agree that supporting your own culture will …
Keep finances in the community.
Increase representation.
Increases social pride.
Create community staples.
Decrease the negative stigma of poverty, lack, and ownership.
Representation is imperative right now and everyone is rooting for their own culture to have visibility and awareness. Today, we are aware that being socially and environmentally responsible is preferred. Everything is for a cause or “for the culture” but what happens when a culture has been misrepresented, misconstrued, misbranded, misclassified, and experiences social self-sabotage?
Let’s address the neon elephant on the block. Being labeled a “black business” can potentially hinder growth. I believe that black-owned businesses are often misconstrued because there are so many ill notions concerning professionalism or the lack thereof. Black businesses are not supported by African Americans because many believe that their culture is riddled with a lack of quality, customer service, proper communication, consistency, integrity, and efficiency.
Unfortunately, many have encountered unfavorable experiences with such businesses. While some argue that they experience a lack of support. People of Color prefer to support other races to obtain quality partnerships and encounters. The complaints often expressed… are a mile long but it’s actually social self-sabotage. When someone black says “you know it’s going to be late, it’s a black-owned business”, it is a form of social self-sabotage. Many have lost all faith within their race to produce favorable outcomes. This diminishing of support destroys not just a particular business but the reputation of an entire race.
We all know integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking. “Integrity is necessary, not an optional tool. it is an expression of love and passion for your business. This is the only way for your business to advance and succeed” says Anita from “Siomara’s Catering”. It’s not just doing the right thing but putting your best foot forward with good intentions. Many often associate branding with just colors and images that are presented on a public platform. What they fail to realize is, the true identity of your brand is YOUR character. Your core values, beliefs, ethics, and principles become evident in the brand. “What people say about you when you’re not in the room is your true brand identity,” says Brandon Monti of Connecticut. Your perspective will always creep into the culture and environment you create. What you represent as a person will transition and translate to what you present as a CEO.
The term “Black Excellence” is often a hot topic. African Americans love to use and overuse it to show support, pride, or approval. Vaughn Brandford of Brooklyn states that “I think most people are under the misconception of black excellence. Many utilize it as a shield to be subpar believing that they are exceptional by just mere existence. People believe that somehow it shields black people from discrimination and racism, which is a complete fallacy. We must understand, to be considered excellent, we must be excellent. Most of us won’t get a second chance at a first impression. If we know we’re representing more than just “us” then we should consider it in our presentation. The adjective “excellent” should be used without the “black” label. We should just strive to be amazing and successful owners who just happen to walk in excellence”.
Business Owners Tips to fight against statistics:
Invest in professional development training.
Hold others accountable.
Acquire financial literacy and upgrade financial practices.
Invest in software to remain organized and keep track of invoices and payments.
Apply Ethics in everything.
Vulnerability is a must! It’s not a crime to say “no”, “I’m unable to” or be honest about mistakes.
Keep the bar of excellence high.
Sensitivity training is highly preferred.
Train staff on concepts of customer service and the power of a pleasant demeanor.
Be reliable.
Boost hospitality.
Watch your tone.
No compromise.
Inferior service is not accepted!
Develop a disdain for tardiness.
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT
Contracts are your friend.
Make realistic promises.
Be open to key partnerships.
Learn and teach conflict resolution.
Particiality is unkind. Many will be pleasant to another race but disrespectful or rude to their own.
It’s not a competition but it is a competition. You need a comparative advantage for a competitive market. However, do not compare yourself to anyone else other than yourself. Monopoly is a game to play at home. Some competition is healthy to push you.
Don’t be afraid to share information and resources. Even if people immatate you, they will never be YOU. Your unique presence in a saturated market is still needed.
Do not take clients’ funds without providing a product or service and then ignore them. Clients should not have to chase you.
Communication is your friend!
These tips are not to criticize but to aid in the development and formation of your next level in business. Be encouraged. Find joy and pleasure in what wakes you up every day. When you are intentional about living, you can live on purpose, expressing purpose. Elizabeth, owner of the famous “Bizzy Bakery” in Brooklyn states that “It does my heart proud knowing I can brighten a day just by being myself. I love that God allows me to do what I love every single day. Being respectful is a MUST, but being a nice person is a CHOICE. I just happen to be one of the few where being nice comes naturally to me”. “Lizz” is a prime example of how personal brand affects professional branding. She is extremely jovial and easy to interact with. She is a woman of her word and truly finds delight in seeing her customers happy. Her sweet demeanor encourages potential clients to try her sweet treats.
Dr. Courtney M. Bradley states that “you may not have one hundred dollars, but you can show support in a hundred ways!” It should not take another social uproar or protest in the country to drive people to support each other. Here are some ways to show support and as well as some tips for engagement.
Let go of entitlement. Do not expect “favors” and complimentary service due to familiarity.
Share promotional material on social media to increase reach and visibility.
Purchase something without an argument or debate about the price. Their time, energy, and resources were invested in their work.
Encourage someone by acknowledging their good work or practices.
Believe in the vision, it’s not just about the individual.
Encourage others to support.
Speak well of the company, word of mouth is one method of organic growth.
Make a payment on time but communicate in case of an emergency.
Arguing and yelling at owners isn’t the most effective way to make a complaint.
Respect their payment methods and rules.
Ask how you can help or volunteer.
To those who are business owners, working hard to set a standard, I salute you. Thank you for your time, energy, sacrifice, sleepless nights, early mornings, creativity, and passion. Your labor is not in vain, many appreciate all that you do to make a client or organization happy. To every person of color fighting against these common misconceptions, keep going. You being your best self helps combat what is contrary. To every female striving for excellence as a “boss babe” thank you. You are creating a pattern for the next generation to follow. The future of ownership and the reputation of modern leadership is in your hands.
There are two quotes that I despise with great passion. The famous sarcastic statement of “It’s not rocket science” and “I’m hard on you because I want you to be better than me!”. I started hearing it more often and found myself to be highly irritated. I needed to do some digging to find out why. After some reflection, I realized that it was not the person. It traced back to the root of pain where those statements were so rudely introduced.
Emotional and verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Although bruises, broken bones, wounds, and cuts heal, words often don’t. If you don’t believe me, ask a therapist. You can carry verbal scars for a lifetime. They are not a badge of honor or survival. They are like chronic health issues that become a part of your daily life and “act up” when triggered. Words can replay in your psyche (soul, mind, and spirit) and be a hindrance in various parts of your life. Both cases of abuse are severe instances that hinder your ability to trust, be open and vulnerable, leaves a residue of insecurity. Oftentimes we think we “got over it” but then memories infuriate you and cause you to do or say something you can potentially regret. Many experience difficulties loving and embracing, you may experience PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is just the beginning. There are panic attacks for comments and circumstances that mirror what you have been through. You may be short-tempered and eager to protect yourself and violent. You may have walls up, become sarcastic, live in survival mode, and experience self-sabotage. There are a host of repercussions and varied effects. After the deep soul search, I realized I was introduced to these quotes from a family member who I loved dearly but never really could determine if the love was ever reciprocated. I realized years later that person was hurting too. They were broken and had to be strong despite what they had to endure. I admire their strength but now I had to let go of those things because words are anchors. While you’re considering going in a different direction, your ship is unable to move because those comments have more weight than you would like to admit. Forgiveness isn’t for them but it’s for us to be free and not give our power away. I know it’s hard for some to consider but it’s the truth. Some things have to be squished, sliced, and dissected so you can enjoy the fruit or the flavor. Well, forgiveness has a fragrance and taste that is indescribable and liberating. I realized that forgiveness is an art. Even in the Bible, it taught about forgiving seventy times seven for one individual (Matthew 18:22). It means that people will offend you and it may be multiple times. I’m not saying to be someone’s fool, but they may mess up more than once as infallible beings. It’s not that anything is wrong with you, you are not “Soft” but being the bigger person who exercises much grace. We must learn to establish boundaries without damaging others and ourselves. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), but it also heals. Look at stray abused dogs. They may want to attack when you attempt to rescue them but it’s like wow look at what they endured. You must give it some time.
“Your assignment will most likely bite you before they bless you,” said Dr. Courtney M. Bradley. People are imperfect and will mess up more times than they can count. Haven’t we done something things numerous times before we got it right?… but yet we are forgiven. The Bible talks about forgiveness being done seventy times seven. If you do the math, it’s 490 times. Most folks would be like who going to sit back and allow someone to offend or attack me that much?. People will be people, and some are trapped in their world of pain-causing havoc. We are so eager to cut people off. If you fire people from a job without an exit interview or some form of explanation there is no lesson learned just recycled behaviors. We end up being stuck in emotions like a bookmark in a dramatic novel. God doesn’t want us to be fooled but to live free. Forgiveness is art for self-liberation we must practice. You may never get that deserved apology but still…practice. When memories offend, forgive again. Keep practicing. “Forgiveness is a fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it”- Mark Twain. I desire to be a fragrance before God that he can be pleased with where beauty is revealed even in pressing times. Understand that people who are abused express what they have been suppressing. YOU are not anyone’s punching bag. You are not called to be the one in the way of projective behavior. It’s a sad cycle but I am learning to have more compassion than I did in times past. Thing’s people say will cut deep but know that you loved and love yourself enough to live through it and surpass it. Have that hard conversation but don’t dwell there, don’t give negativity more life and power. You win just by being your awesome authentic self. Let it all go so you won’t have to live hindered and on defense.
Dr. Matthew L. Stevenson said something so profound… “It’s doesn’t matter where you are from, but it matters where you’re from”. Those words have resonated with me and I abide by this daily.
When people say, “It doesn’t matter where you are from”, the general connotation implies that your background and experiences do not dictate how your life will turn out. Whether you grew up in the projects, a part of a family struggling to survive, lost loved ones, grew up in a hostile community, or just endured unfavorable circumstances doesn’t mean that is all to life. You are not destined to remain there. Those factors do not negate the fact that you recognize your potential, have big dreams to fulfill, and that you desire more. It’s not a cliché to say it out loud “I will not be a product of my environment.” Your past lives in the shadows and has its purposes but it cannot light the path to your future. Circumstances are not always cycles sometimes they are just seasons. In each season, we learn something new and establish new skills.
In the summer, we appreciate the sun although we must protect ourselves. We hydrate and ensure that heatstroke doesn’t become an issue. We cool down but have moments where we enjoy the suns’ benefits within measure. We learn the art of balance. In the Spring, we learn to store up and prepare for winter, yet we enjoy the rain that brings up beautiful flowers. Rain that’s necessary for growth and to yield a harvest. In the fall we learn the art of anticipation, winter is near, and things should be in place. We learn to adapt to change and transition. Sometimes is nice and hot still and other times it can be chilly. We learn to be flexible and adjust when necessary. Finally, many enjoy it and others dread it but there is winter. We learn how to layer, protect, and cover. We are given the heart of appreciation during this season. Maybe you should not have complained throughout the summer or prepared better in the spring? There is so much we learn in each season if we see things with an open perspective. We must learn to accept the good and bad parts of our stories because it makes us who we are. What have you learned throughout various seasons of life?
Self-reflection is not an opportunity to be depressed or loathe certain memories, but to see how far you have come. It’s a time to gauge how much you have grown, know what you would never do again, and also to be thankful. It’s okay to yourself questions about improvement and enhancement. Do you see a process of development? Your takeaways directly affect your responses to life. Do not be ashamed of where you have come from because it shaped your entire existence. It affects perspective, passion, desire, conflict resolution skills, listening skills, relationships, interactions with people in general, temperament, and leadership.
Maybe you always had to take care of everyone else or be everyone’s shoulder to cry on. At this juncture in life, you should have some substance to be a blessing. You could become a system and program developer, world changer, and impact the environment around you. After all that you have been through. Don’t count yourself out. Now is the best time to be that counselor, advisor, therapist, or even a leader in some capacity. Where you came from gave you so much insight into struggle and tools for grit and perseverance. Therefore, it does matter where you are from. Your background and unique experiences all prepare you to make a great impact in your sphere of influence today. Witnessing (or enduring) the abuse was traumatic but imagine how you can get proactive as a survivor and embody strength by providing shelter or counseling for the abused? You have come full circle with your destiny. That’s a powerful moment. It doesn’t matter where the dirt was located, your seed was birthed in the right ground and someone beautiful emerged out of it. It doesn’t matter where you come from because nothing can hold you back, but it does matter where you come from because it can be used as fuel to propel you forward. It depends on your perspective. Is where you come from the biggest factor in your life or can you realize your big potential and factor in how your roots pruned you for the success of tomorrow? “It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” —Oprah Winfrey
Heraclitus once said, “the only thing constant is change”. I concur, change is a shift, a minute or drastic modification is an inevitable part of life. As the world turns on its axis, new generations shift cultures and the natural progression of life exists; it’s the same for personal growth.
Personal growth requires a growth mindset. The mentality that has no limitations. This type of person has a genuine love for learning, exhibits grit, sees problems as a challenge, and believes that abilities are not fixed. You can enhance anything and learn new skills. Oftentimes people say the desire to change something that’s unfavorable but doesn’t have the right tools to make it happen. Change must be desired before it can be encouraged. An individual must have a strong conviction to alter some things whether internal or external. A true passion for growth and a need for development.
Don’t be afraid to evolve, its natural! – Chrissy Renee
The only way to grow is to change. If you don’t believe me, research life cycles. For instance, look at the butterfly or the developmental changes of a baby. We must understand that when we finally decided to be intentional about our lifestyle and its results, we must make some amendments. Adjustments first require.
Made up mind
Plan of action
Daily routine
Accountability partners
Benchmarks
Rewards
Continuum of what is successful.
Once you have made up your mind and have made a cognitive shift, take the time to create a solid plan. We only fail because we fail in preparation. Design your course of action and have a bounce-back plan, not a backup plan. To create a backup plan, it’s subconsciously giving yourself an excuse to renege on your goal. Create a daily schedule to help you stay on track. Once you practice something day eventually it will become a habit. Once a habit is formed you can then develop a lifestyle that is your new nature.
Some things we cannot change on our own. This is a great time to locate some key partners for accountability. People that are firm, motivating, and encouraging to push you towards your desired destination. Within that journey you may get tired, question why you’re doing something, and attempt to give up. These individuals will help you realign your mentality on your journey.
Speaking of journeys, look at roads, highways, and bridges. There are significant markings on the path as you travel. There are signs and indications and instructions. Everything is purposed to keep you on target, within the right speed, safe, and provide directions. Along our journey to self-improvement and change, we need to set benchmarks. Make it clear, by this time, I would like to do “x” and highlight what tools, funds, people, deadlines, and important details to keep you on time and track.
When you get to a benchmark or have achieved something, please do yourself and favor and celebrate. Celebrate YOU, acknowledge your accomplishment, honor small victories, and take a moment to look at how far you have come. Don’t wait until you made a giant leap, keep yourself motivated by being proud of even the smallest steps. Reward yourself with a small gift, do something you’ve always wanted to do, or whatever reward is defined in your eyes.
When you have done a great job (mishaps and all) the only thing to do is to repeat the process. Work what is working. When you find it feasible do it on a broader scale. Let nothing stop you from achieving your dreams. Dreams can feel like a nightmare when they torment your mind unattained. I implore you to pursue passionately and don’t get distracted by negativity, failure, or lack of support. Whatever you put your mind to do, you can do it. That may sound like a cliché but why consider or dream at all if you don’t plan to make it a reality? If you’re reading this, just know someone is rooting for you, enjoy the journey!
If we do not grasp the “you are here” theory or understand current placement, we will not experience success navigating. Directives and instructions only make sense with those with clarity and information.
cHRISSY-RENEE
Mentor, Orator, and Life Coach Dr. Courtney M. Bradley has a “You Are Here” theory. That is an understanding of where you are currently positioned. A place where you stop and gain information and learn. A moment to refocus, scale and view the bigger picture, and see what part you play in the movement of a system. It’s the perfect place to let go of where you were so you can embrace a new beginning or experience.
I moved into a new state. Completely unfamiliar territory and I thought I needed a guide to help me navigate this new space. Everyone wants that local who knows their way around to show you around and provide tips. However, I didn’t have that. Instead, I got lost, ask questions, and discovered things along the journey. Being lost in a vulnerable state where your intuition and trust kick into full gear. You may have to reach out to a stranger for help. What happens when that stranger is you? The part of you that we failed to discover or excavate. The self-sufficient, confident you that God created. In Him, there are no losses only gains. When you think you have been lost is a perfect place to be discovered and find support.
For me, at the mall alone and apprehensive I did what most tourists do. I found the information center. I got my hands on a map. With Christ, our Bible is our information center and place of direction and instruction. You are here, this is your state, this is your mindset, but this is where I have destined for you to go. I studied that map until I felt confident before I even took a step. I didn’t care if people stared or expressed opinions. I have a destination within this massive space and this map is my GPS. I often refer to God and the Holy Spirit as a G.P.S. He is my God’s Positioning System. When lost you got to ask questions. I asked God exactly where am I? Why am I positioned here? In that vulnerable time with Him. He will express your purpose and placement. Every experience you enter where an exchange is made of deposits and withdrawals there is a price to pay. Don’t consider everything a loss. During discovery, perspective is everything.
When we tap into our source of direction and empowerment, we become unstoppable. I was aware that tourists are targets. When you are in discovery mode, we are mostly focused or in awe of the space. What we fail to see is how you stand out to predators. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Many predators frequent malls in search of individuals of various ages who seem to be open pray. They make assumptions about your capacity and ability to maneuver. They assume it is easy to take your treasure or hurt you. The thing with God is, we don’t even have to walk around afraid or paranoid. We are covered in His blood. That enemy, the grand opportunist looking for a time of the attack cannot penetrate the hedge of protection God has for you in this season of growth.
You should declare that “I AM HERE”. I am getting my new foundation. I am not going anywhere unless He wants me to move. That “here” does not have to be a geographical place but it can be spiritual, mental, or socially related. Be confident that you are His child and that what’s unfamiliar to you is familiar to Him. We must trust his guidance. Are we open to adhering to instructions? Do we prefer to figure things out ourselves? Life is much more peaceful and simpler if we rely on a guide that never steers wrong. When we disobey, we wander. Take a moment and get back to your information center. Father, I am HERE. Be open to learn and gain instructions for your next steps. Soon you will be the one giving instructions and guiding others in the right direction. Enjoy this newness in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17 states that “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Isaiah 43:19 says “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”.
In short, let go of former things (places in your heart and mind), connect to your center, be open to learn, trust God, wait for instructions, move with confidence and enjoy the discovery of all that is new. YOU ARE HERE NOW!
When people think of exchange, they immediately think of it in its common context. A swapping or trading of one item for another typically something material.
We also think of shopping, and how if something does not work; we return an item by giving back the original purchase (with a receipt of course) to replace it with something new. Overall, it is the act of giving and receiving.
What we least consider are treasures and gems. These are not physical gems but have great value. Wisdom, knowledge, sound advice, laughter, peace, prayer, and encouragement. We need to surround ourselves with people who understand the “pour”. Pouring into each other. This ensures that no one goes empty. If we are constantly inspiring and speaking life into each other, no one will be dry, vacant, deserted, abandoned, or even feel worthless.
Every time we come together it’s an exchange. Every conversation is an exchange. You give of your time, energy, and vice versa. Everyone leaves with something whether positive or negative. Things will not always be perfect but it’s imperative to know that your circle has substance. A circle of close ones who believe in the principle of honor. When things get challenging or tumultuous in your relationship; it can stand because it was founded on solid principles with a common perspective.
Old folks used to say “show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are!” That adage is full of facts. If frequent association and affiliation gradually lead to assimilation, then it is safe to say that your “crew”, family, friends, associates are important. People do not have power over you. You make your own decisions; however, influence is quite powerful. Ask yourself, the people I frequently communicate and interact with…what exactly are we doing for each other? Are these relationships exchanging wealth, empowerment, and strength? How is this relationship mutually beneficial?
I am not discouraging you from mentoring. Some people are in our lives just to receive from us. I am not encouraging you to remove people from your life but to consider each relationship. To be aware of what is being exchanged. You should still love and respect people but also know when what is hurting you is also too close. I am encouraging you not to exchange your homeostasis of peace and other valuables for any relationship, it is not worth it. Get a grip on who is in your life and why. Remember, not every relationship will be an equal exchange, we are here to help others. Let’s just be wise and recognize when your
pouring into a vessel full of holes
pouring but never then left empty
Pouring without reciprocation
Pouring and being poured back into
It is time to take a deep dive into our interpersonal life and see how it affects us daily. Your mental health, business, success and so much more are dependent on it.
We previously spoke about effective leadership and management styles. We have also discussed in depth the do’s and don’ts to leadership. Be sure to check those out.
My question to you today is… Are your emotions killing you professionally? Too often, leadership is burning out and it’s their own hands. It’s when perspectives and level of self-importance are no longer tools but weapons.
Whether a leader has a poor self-esteem or an exaggerated one, it affects everyone that they encounter and lead. Insecurities and egos are especially loud. Some leaders are too hung up and getting praises or playing on the emotions of others for empathy. They fail to delegate and run a one-man circus. They tend to take on more than they can handle. If things go wrong, they are quick to blame others or claim that their lack of assistance or the competence of the team is low. When success comes their way, the claim to have gotten to the result on their own. They are eager to receive accolades and high fives for their dedication and hard work. It’s a monster that is never satisfied despite the numerous awards and public recognition. This encourages staff not to work as hard or feel disregarded.
Insecure leadership is especially dangerous because these are the individuals who would put team members against each other. They often vie to create teams centered around on their relationships with others. They prefer to utilize those individuals who fail to correct their wrong or share the same morals and values. Insecure leaders often feel threatened by others and will create drama around others who do not agree with them. They manipulate, seek to control, rule by their opinions and emotions. They often compete with others to fill a void within and will do anything to manipulate, control and defame others.
It is paramount to heal and deal with personal matters. Emotional leadership is often people who set themselves on fire and then watch their team members encounter smoke inhalation. They end up being the cause and cure. The need for external validation will cause harm. We love to say that our professional and personal are separate but that’s not entirely true. The smoke of your personal will seep through barriers and small holes to attack the “lungs” of the innocent.
Insecure leadership will break up teams, visions, missions, organizations, loyalty and drive. And insecure Leader is one who manipulates, seeks control and rule by their emotions instead I’m using wisdom. Wisdom says train, organize, delegate and flow.
Poor leadership personalities miss out in the joys and benefits of being able to impact, inspire and improve others. A confident and healthy leader will
Teach & Mentor.
Instruct
Organize
Have loyal team members.
Brainstorm
Empower & Impact.
Have a shared vision.
Delegate
Experience less stress.
Express professional transparency
These leaders are more productive because they have time to focus on what’s important. They can take a stance in their role, make executive decisions and tend to be more focused. They are concerned about the overall well-being of those they are responsible for and their professional obligations. I admonish you, if your personal is starting to interfere with your professional, seek help NOW. If you are unsure, seek the feedback from trusted members who are not afraid to be open and honest with you. Don’t be ashamed to attend therapy or professional help. A better you means a better leader and only then, you can take the globe on by storm.
Previously, we discussed several styles of leadership as well as some amazing attributes of an Effective Leader. Unfortunately, just like everything in life there are some contrary perspectives and unfavorable behaviors. Some leaders allow personal insecurities and egos to seep into their work, many unbeknownst to them. They tend to rule with a iron fist. They don’t realize that fear is not the same as respect. Others suffer with superiority complexes which includes manipulation, nepotism, and degradation. These leaders tend to recognize efforts or potential. They rarely know their teams’ weaknesses or abilities. Not knowing your team is detrimental and can cost you everything. You may experience a high volume of turnover in departments and find yourself interviewing new staff more and more as displeasure spreads like a virus. Here are some things that can easily occur..
Abilities are hidden and never get nurtured or developed.
It’s imperative to desire wholeness as a person before leading or entering an industry. Your inner darkness becomes a plague that external parties have to live under.
Underestimating potential and assigning the wrong roles that yield no fruit.
Overlooking your staff because nepotism is prevalent. This will breed jealously, resentment and frustration.
Discrediting hard work with will infuriate Staff. That frustration will result into many unwanted behaviors and many resignation letters.
Lack of professional integrity
Chaotic culture and a toxic work environment.
Division
Staff is in fear of the Leader but have no genuine respect.
Revenue is great but its priceless to have motivated, loyal and dedicated staff that see your vision as a torch to carry. Some may argue that point but let’s talk about what effective leadership looks like. Here are some behaviors, attitudes and practices to avoid…
Sarcasm
Backhanded compliments
Manipulation.
Exercising your superiority complex with a hint of narcissism.
Harsh tones and obvious body langue of displeasure
Unforgiveness of mistakes
Promoting others prematurely or lacking skills
Failure to acknowledge effort and hard work.
Assumptions.
Blame game is always your reasoning for failure
Believing that things are personal.
Internalizing everything instead of being vocal
Failure to train is a form of neglect.
Refusal to trust
Micromanagement
Inability to recognize potential.
Avoidance of conflict
Refusal to fire individuals of high ranking because you fear your company would lose a key employee.
Unwillingness to be flexible.
Poor communication skills.
Tardiness is a lifestyle.
Lack of Corporate vulnerability
Allowing your ego to be your leader.
The above are obvious qualities that are unfavorable. You may say “that’s not me!” but you will never truly know until you get honest feedback. In your sight, you can be the best Leader in the world. Perspective is not EVERYTHING. Your personal brand and what poeple say about you when your not present speaks VOLUMES. Take time to take inventory of whats not on the shelves but inside you. You are the orginal brand ambassador for your company. What is your behavior portraying?
Please if you are a leader or plan on becoming one, keep an open mind. You may know best, but you do not know ALL. Also, some leeway for feedback even on your performance. Leaders are humans like everyone else. They do not always function at their peak. You will never have everything right but if your eager to learn and grow, so will your organization. There should always be room for growth. Remember each member is a plant that you are accountable to grow. It may require replanting, wisdom to know when and where to water, placement of seeds, providing light and ensuring the overall health of the whole.
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