The slightest changes in ministry are always important, never insignificant. Ministry is more than titles, holding a microphone, or even religious traditions. Many have treated ministry like a Broadway show that’s Christ themed. True ministry (like Jesus) has to do with the business of people.

The business of people is a heavy and weighty responsibility. Lives are literally in your hand. Many make life adjustments based on teachings and use the foundation of what is received to structure every aspect of life. Most importantly, your ministry provides the blueprint for personal and spiritual growth. It’s more than your spiritual walk but affects you across the board. So, when changes are being made, it affects one’s entire existence.

There are times when a ministry or organization undergoes massive change.  Change requires adjustment, realignment, and flexibility. Everyone from leadership down needs to recalibrate their steps and choices. Big changes like when your Leader goes from the Pastor to your Bishop. He/She has been elevated and requires much on the leadership team and congregation.

One may think that has nothing to do with my life. When your leader becomes a Bishop, they have a greater influence not just in your community but across the globe. It represents immense trust and most of all influence.  They have just “leveled up” and no it’s not just all on their shoulders.

Let’s start with leadership. All team members must do their part to respect, protect and support the one who is in the forefront. Things are more public, and the goal should be to protect the integrity of your Leader and their vision. A greater sense of accountability has to be present here. Leadership is responsible for assisting with changes, decisions and everything that will trickle down to the congregation and community. A leader may not always make decisions and moves you like nor will their views and perspective always directly align with yours. However, you must respect it and roll in the directions of the instructions. We honor Presidents, CEO’s and people in power even when there are diametrically opposed views. Therefore, the person who prays for you and is there for you in every aspect of your life should be respected even more. My mother always reminded me of a popular scripture, 1 Timothy 5:17 KJV “Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine.”

She always reiterated that the man or woman of God was worthy of double respect. If you disagree check your Bible. Balance and power are represented. We render unto Caesar what do to him. Laws, leaders, and guidelines have been a part of society from the beginning of time. Think of your leader as a King or Queen. Your job is to serve and also to attend to the people. You not there to be manipulated, used, or abused but it’s a partnership not to be taken lightly. Know your place and know it well. You are not on the same level. Suggestions can be made for accountability and the sake of wise counsel, but your opinion is not always needed or wanted. Let leaders lead.

In chess, Bishops are a great asset to have on your team, but if you’re the one who has them on your team, then make sure you’re well-prepared to defend your board from enemies. Bishops in chess are a crucial resource for attack and defense. If used correctly, bishops can be extremely useful for helping you win the game. The Bishops Position Is between the King/Queen and Knight. Naturally, your leader is between world dignitaries and those who guard him/her. Spiritually, he/she is between God the King and those who fight alongside them as armor bearers and intercessors.

For the congregation, a certain level of grace should be applied. A Bishop may have greater decisions, appearances, and choices to make now. They may not cater to your every need. They bury your dead, dedicate your babies, and rally with your family when an issue arises but on top of catering to you, they may be asked to respond to a political or social issue addressing the world or even worse, appropriately respond to the effects of a global pandemic. Talk about responsibility. I would advise members to get off your leaders’ backs and just pray them through. Pray that God grants them the wisdom and knowledge to lead well, to hear His voice clearly, and that they follow divine instructions. In the end, it’s for our benefit. As he/she has been elevated we must elevate our level of not just respect and honor but obedience, cooperation, participation and support on all levels.

To honor someone requires a great increase in your character. Being trustworthy, loyal, and integral are key elements to the survival and success of your ministry. If you were already honoring and respecting your leader, kudos to you, and continue to do so but if you have not (and you know it) repent and get your act together. You will have to answer to God for your treatment of those whom he placed in authority over you. Their success is yours. Think of it in relation to chess

  1.  Seek out open diagonals: A bishop’s potential is maximized by placing it on an open, long diagonal—that is, a position in which the bishop’s potential path is not obstructed by friendly pawns or an opponent’s pieces. 
  2. Maximize active bishops: Bishops that are able to move freely outside of its pawn chain are known as active bishops, whereas a bishop that is trapped behind its pawn chain is considered a passive bishop. Both “good” and “bad” bishops can be active or passive. An active bishop is usually a more powerful piece due to its flexibility and range.
  3. Good bishops vs. bad bishops: Bishops are referred to as “good” and “bad” based on their position relative to their pawns. If the majority of your pawns are on the same color square as your bishop, that bishop is typically regarded as a “bad bishop” because its movement and influence is restricted by the pawns. Conversely, a bishop that occupies the opposite color as the majority of your pawns is considered a “good bishop” as it is able to move freely and exert more influence over the chessboard. Though a good bishop is generally considered to be more advantageous, a bad bishop can often be useful in defending a pawn.
  4. Utilize bishops in the endgame: Bishops can be particularly effective in the endgame, especially when the only other pieces remaining in the game are pawns. The bishop’s long range allows it to both protect your pawns and threaten your opponent’s pawns, making it easier to promote the pawns you have left and eventually deliver checkmate.

I don’t know about you but that sounds like a responsibility to me. Praying, assisting, and cooperation a part of that responsible package. Learning how to address and assist your Bishop is a job. Maximizing your Bishop is not trying to monopolize their time or seek attention. Don’t try to “trap” them. They Are supposed to be out in the open and deal with people being active in the community. Your Bishop is considered good based on their influence. Just like a parent, they must stand out and be the difference they want to see as an example. They can’t be on your level. They need to exercise their authority and often defend us. The end goal is Heaven. To live a life that’s pleasing to God. They protect us from living contrary lives by promoting what the word says and giving instructions that is unadulterated and straight from God. They stand as a direct defense and come against everything contrary to your growth, health, and development in Christ. They are a direct threat to our enemy. Bishops help promote the overall well-being of everyone in the game. Do your part to ensure his/her success because it’s the only way you as a community and a group will win. God is the one with His hand in the game guiding it all but we do have a part to play, lets’ play wisely and pray for wisdom to proceed with every strategic move we make as a collective.


Masterclass. 2001. Derived from The Bishop In Chess: What the Bishop Is and How to Move Your Bishop on the Chessboard – 2023 – MasterClass.

Deflecting Light

Deflection, a coping mechanism for many. A way for humans to redirect focus and attention of something unfavorable from themselves unto another. Typically associated with defense mechanism.

I was thinking today. Don’t we sometimes use these methods with our Father? When faced with ourselves. Aren’t we quick to have the Adam syndrome… It was the woman, friend, boss etc. you gave me. We rarely take accountability unbeknownst to us because we can’t see ourselves. That’s why we have the Holy Spirit to being things to us previously unaware.

Sometimes when were defensive it’s because its cousin offense is present. Your uncomfortable with this feeling or emotion so we quickly try to shake it off. We ignore the very person shedding light on us to help us. Sometimes living and adjustment to darkness will always make light disturbing. We treat people like this, but we treat God like he as I’d he were “people”. We got issues and an attitude so we gonna ignore him. We’re not mature emotionally or spiritually to let him address. It requires vulnerability and were not ready (Kevin Hart voice).

Realizing today, categories are important and vital to our Relational intelligence with folks and most importantly to God. I repent for ignoring God. How dumb when the answer is He! Issues, no problem for him. We trust God for stuff, breakthrough, miracles etc. but can’t trust Him with our hearts and emotions. We gotta change that! We need to rid deflect when we recollect. To consider the goodness of God and how He has been with you and carried you. A memory of his faithfulness will keep you from ignoring Him but being humble and vulnerable with a great level of trust.

I’m TRANS… formed!

Let them be confused about who you are now! (Divine Misunderstanding)

– DR. courtney m. bradley

When you look at the transgender community, you’ll see a people who are fully persuaded about their lifestyle. They are passionate about transformation and “becoming”. Similar to Michelle Obamas book, there’s a whole process to endure as you evolve into what is new and who you were intended to be.

It’s high time that the body of Christ adapts that mentality as well be tenacious about our walk. So what if people are stuck on who you used to be? Let them be confused about who you are now. Be bold about your stance and choice in Christ. Endure the process, go to great lengths and be excited about your original self being introduced to you. Be transformed unapologetically!

Under Attack: Believer’s Warfare

My Mom warmed me about the days ahead. She advised me to know the word of God before I had to. She meant that the word would be removed or challenged. One day, I will have to defend it, it would be in my best interest to become one with it. I can say almost twenty years later, I can see everything she said manifest before me. The next attack will be on the church not necessarily via bombs and other forms of mass destruction.

Right now, the biggest allegiance and influence is the LGBTQIA+ Community. I have nothing against people’s personal and intimate choices. However, I know for sure that anything opposing that population is a direct threat to freedom, equality, human rights, nature and considered a form of bias or judgement. The body of Christ has been taking a stand and they will not compromise their values or conform. It is their right to be firm in their core values and Biblical principles.

It’s not about choosing a side but taking a stand. Everyone has the right to stand up for what they believe in, but the church is frowned upon when they do. Churches who don’t confirm to new ideologies and systems will be diametrically opposed. Thier views will be targeted and not tolerated. We are living in a society that encourages open minded behavior and that’s fine. We should all be open to everyone without discrimination. However, the glossaries of what discrimination is has transformed. Today, its blend in or stand out. The ones who fail to embrace the viewpoint of world will soon be ostracized.

There is no way that church, and state will ever see eye to eye. Politics often interferes will basic activities and community involvement creating red tape and gray areas for concession. Someone ends up compromising and when that occurs, there are repercussions. The Believers perspective does not align with the world because we are not of this world and will not conform. We are called to love without any form of nepotism or preference doesn’t say that our speech has to be symmetrical.

Before you get upset, uptight, enraged or irate. Please know that is not an attack on anyone. The point is that one group takes up precedence in this world and if we (the church) fail to embrace or accept certain lifestyles, there will be hell to pay. Yes, there are gay churches and ministry leaders everywhere and everyone has their unique voice. However, the concern is on reverse the discrimination. If a group disagrees, now they are failing to be inclusive and fail to embody Jesus’ love. That is not a mature response but a form of bullying. If everyone in a group decides to go to dinner and one person orders a burger while everyone else has chosen a healthier option, it’s not right for them to gang up on that person. That individual has their right, their choice because it’s their body. If were saying that everyone has the right to choose, then the church has a right to disagree. No debate has ever existed with both teams being “pro” everything. In life, everyone will not be on the same side. We don’t have to agree on everything however, respect should always be present.

Right now, there has been a sudden increase of Ministry leadership in the news. Many images and videos have gone viral. None of the content is inspiring or positive. Just vocal fools and fallen soldiers who made mistakes. What the world does not understand is that Christianity is a vast umbrella. It’s easy to claim and stand under whether its core values are upheld or taken seriously or not. Many use the label or identify as Christian who do not follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. Since Christianity is widely accepted and do not have specific identifiers it’s easy to claim. Other religious groups wear certain attire, colors or garments that are significant to their culture. Christianity is Kingdom, a culture of acceptance of everyone. So, you’ll see various races, socio-economic backgrounds, status and even attire. We are very much inclusive and not exclusive to a certain race, culture or any other label. When one opens their mouth or lives a certain lifestyle, that’s how we are identified. Unfortunately, we had some horrible brand ambassadors who failed at their one job. Some of the leaders we see, may not have been called by God but took it upon themselves to lead, affecting and infecting lives. Others are just people who “fell from grace”. They made mistakes. I thought it was human to error but when you’re a Christian nobody leaves room for your humanity and the possibility that were fallible beings.

The crazy thing about it is, when one falls from grace, it mars and can disfigure the image of everyone else associated. The world has an image of perfection of the church. If we really knew Christ or His word, we would know that He perfects us daily, not asks us to be perfect; there is a difference. He comes to enhance our lives so areas of trauma, weakness or delay he makes better it’s a form of perfection. There is an unrealistic expectancy of the life we live.

Christians are to be world leaders and real-life superheroes. Expressing Gods love, light, mankind a difference, expressing benevolence and taking a stand, when necessary, not to be punks. To spread the gospel and live Christ -centered focused on the essence of Christian living. There are many authentic Christians but the few who have distorted our image, degraded leadership and, desecrated the name of God are the stories and people who are the main focus. We have forgotten the whole and put a small group under a microscope and magnified it for the world to see.

However, there is coming a time when the real Believers will be needed and whose authenticity will be contagious. There is coming a time when the church will take back its rightful place and be the pillars that the community and society at large will respect. Things are being shaken back into place and sorted and sifted. There is coming a time when we will have to make a decision about who we serve so we can no longer confuse those observing and studying our lives. The distinction will be made. In the meantime, I ENCOURAGE all believers to endure during their assignments, stay grounded in God’s word and know who you are. Remember you are an heir to the throne of Heaven. You’re a child of God whom he loves and has a plan in the midst of evil plots. You are critical to the preservation of this planet and that will never change. Keep being the light, keep spreading the gospel, keep being love. Authenticity is that flashlight in the midst of a storm, the belly of a cave or in the darkest hour.

Entrepreneurship: Creating Something out of Nothing!

Just picture this. You go to a river and desire to work the land to create streams. You are blessed enough to have tools and helping hands. Although it may be some work, we know with some persistence it is completely doable.

But now picture dry land with no apparent water. You do not have any helping hands. You have spent long-time testing and trying out areas where you could tap into water. You’ll dig most times without avail. Some are quite fortunate; they may get exactly what you are looking for which is water. You have just gotten something out of nothing. Moisture trapped under dry land. What a feat and accomplishment but we’re advised to work smarter not harder?

That visual in your mind is that of entrepreneurship today! Miracles are produced with the endeavors of grandeur. Determination to tap into a market with constant flow. What we don’t like to do is tap into a river that’s consistent already to make work easier. When you create a  “start-up” or Brick-and-Mortar business, it’s extremely challenging and sometimes tedious to establish.

Oh, to live the American dream and how astonishing to do so with nothing. Yes, it has been done but quality supplies and equipment all have a price. Sometimes, we may have to do what we dislike until we can fully embrace what we love.

Millennials and people of today no longer desire to work on anyone’s plantation only to be used, abused, discarded, underappreciated, and unaccomplished. Those days and that era are somewhat behind us. We look at entrepreneurship as the future. Trust me it is a new day; times have changed but we must ensure we make wise decisions that will benefit us in the long run. Entrepreneurship is not for everyone and not for the faint of heart.

Sometimes, getting ahead in this dispensation includes biting a bullet or two on a “9 to 5”. Many are lazy, stubborn, inconsistent, or rebellious and cannot submit to an overseer. Others have been hurt, disappointed, and frustrated from past experiences. Then, there is a small group; a peculiar set of passionate individuals who just have a fire, desire, and longing for something more. This group has big dreams and cannot afford to be limited. This group is ambitious and typically desires to make a difference. Their creativity and hunger for innovation can sometimes get stiffed and viewed as intimidating. This group knows their “why” and just needs some help getting started.

My advice, let the job fund your dream until your dream becomes your dream job. Don’t despise small beginnings (Zechariah 4:10).  Don’t be embarrassed about your process, instead trust it.

Take it one day and one step at a time. It may become a part of your speech, sermon, or oration. Begin with the end in mind (Steven Covey). Consider the outcome and create a plan highlighting the benchmarks, tactics, strategies, and set goals. Let your “why” strengthen you for your “who” and motivate you for your “what”. We all must start somewhere. My mentor Dr. Courney M. Bradley always says that “God is not a liar and he won’t give you a preview to then disappoint you with a nightmare”. He wouldn’t allow you to dream big or put a passion inside of you if you were never destined to achieve it. Above everything else he wants us to prosper in every facet of our lives and live our best lives. He is rooting for us all! In 3 John 2 (MSG), it states…”How truly I love you! We’re the best of friends, and I pray for good fortune in everything you do, and for your good health—that your everyday affairs prosper, as well as your soul”. Let that sink in. He desires for us to accomplish and live well. As Christian Entrepreneurs, we know we don’t have it any easier. We don’t just pray and everything becomes peachy. God is not a genie and miracles are not magic. We must put our faith to work and do something about the inspiration downloaded in us. Then you will witness a flow. He will instruct us on which land, which field, which team, and which tools to achieve success.  Flow is when you submit to THE Someone to help you create something out of nothing.

Forgive the Abuse


There are two quotes that I despise with great passion. The famous sarcastic statement of “It’s not rocket science” and “I’m hard on you because I want you to be better than me!”. I started hearing it more often and found myself to be highly irritated. I needed to do some digging to find out why. After some reflection, I realized that it was not the person. It traced back to the root of pain where those statements were so rudely introduced.

Emotional and verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Although bruises, broken bones, wounds, and cuts heal, words often don’t. If you don’t believe me, ask a therapist. You can carry verbal scars for a lifetime. They are not a badge of honor or survival. They are like chronic health issues that become a part of your daily life and “act up” when triggered. Words can replay in your psyche (soul, mind, and spirit) and be a hindrance in various parts of your life.
Both cases of abuse are severe instances that hinder your ability to trust, be open and vulnerable, leaves a residue of insecurity. Oftentimes we think we “got over it” but then memories infuriate you and cause you to do or say something you can potentially regret. Many experience difficulties loving and embracing, you may experience PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is just the beginning. There are panic attacks for comments and circumstances that mirror what you have been through. You may be short-tempered and eager to protect yourself and violent. You may have walls up, become sarcastic, live in survival mode, and experience self-sabotage. There are a host of repercussions and varied effects.
After the deep soul search, I realized I was introduced to these quotes from a family member who I loved dearly but never really could determine if the love was ever reciprocated. I realized years later that person was hurting too. They were broken and had to be strong despite what they had to endure. I admire their strength but now I had to let go of those things because words are anchors. While you’re considering going in a different direction, your ship is unable to move because those comments have more weight than you would like to admit. Forgiveness isn’t for them but it’s for us to be free and not give our power away. I know it’s hard for some to consider but it’s the truth. Some things have to be squished, sliced, and dissected so you can enjoy the fruit or the flavor. Well, forgiveness has a fragrance and taste that is indescribable and liberating.
I realized that forgiveness is an art. Even in the Bible, it taught about forgiving seventy times seven for one individual (Matthew 18:22). It means that people will offend you and it may be multiple times. I’m not saying to be someone’s fool, but they may mess up more than once as infallible beings. It’s not that anything is wrong with you, you are not “Soft” but being the bigger person who exercises much grace. We must learn to establish boundaries without damaging others and ourselves.
Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), but it also heals. Look at stray abused dogs. They may want to attack when you attempt to rescue them but it’s like wow look at what they endured. You must give it some time.

“Your assignment will most likely bite you before they bless you,” said Dr. Courtney M. Bradley. People are imperfect and will mess up more times than they can count. Haven’t we done something things numerous times before we got it right?… but yet we are forgiven. The Bible talks about forgiveness being done seventy times seven. If you do the math, it’s 490 times. Most folks would be like who going to sit back and allow someone to offend or attack me that much?. People will be people, and some are trapped in their world of pain-causing havoc. We are so eager to cut people off. If you fire people from a job without an exit interview or some form of explanation there is no lesson learned just recycled behaviors. We end up being stuck in emotions like a bookmark in a dramatic novel. God doesn’t want us to be fooled but to live free. Forgiveness is art for self-liberation we must practice. You may never get that deserved apology but still…practice. When memories offend, forgive again. Keep practicing. “Forgiveness is a fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it”- Mark Twain. I desire to be a fragrance before God that he can be pleased with where beauty is revealed even in pressing times. Understand that people who are abused express what they have been suppressing. YOU are not anyone’s punching bag. You are not called to be the one in the way of projective behavior. It’s a sad cycle but I am learning to have more compassion than I did in times past. Thing’s people say will cut deep but know that you loved and love yourself enough to live through it and surpass it. Have that hard conversation but don’t dwell there, don’t give negativity more life and power. You win just by being your awesome authentic self. Let it all go so you won’t have to live hindered and on defense.


If we do not grasp the “you are here” theory or understand current placement, we will not experience success navigating. Directives and instructions only make sense with those with clarity and information.


Mentor, Orator, and Life Coach Dr. Courtney M. Bradley has a “You Are Here” theory. That is an understanding of where you are currently positioned. A place where you stop and gain information and learn. A moment to refocus, scale and view the bigger picture, and see what part you play in the movement of a system. It’s the perfect place to let go of where you were so you can embrace a new beginning or experience.

I moved into a new state. Completely unfamiliar territory and I thought I needed a guide to help me navigate this new space. Everyone wants that local who knows their way around to show you around and provide tips. However, I didn’t have that. Instead, I got lost, ask questions, and discovered things along the journey.  Being lost in a vulnerable state where your intuition and trust kick into full gear. You may have to reach out to a stranger for help. What happens when that stranger is you? The part of you that we failed to discover or excavate. The self-sufficient, confident you that God created. In Him, there are no losses only gains. When you think you have been lost is a perfect place to be discovered and find support.

For me, at the mall alone and apprehensive I did what most tourists do. I found the information center. I got my hands on a map. With Christ, our Bible is our information center and place of direction and instruction. You are here, this is your state, this is your mindset, but this is where I have destined for you to go. I studied that map until I felt confident before I even took a step. I didn’t care if people stared or expressed opinions. I have a destination within this massive space and this map is my GPS. I often refer to God and the Holy Spirit as a G.P.S. He is my God’s Positioning System. When lost you got to ask questions. I asked God exactly where am I? Why am I positioned here? In that vulnerable time with Him. He will express your purpose and placement. Every experience you enter where an exchange is made of deposits and withdrawals there is a price to pay. Don’t consider everything a loss. During discovery, perspective is everything.

When we tap into our source of direction and empowerment, we become unstoppable. I was aware that tourists are targets. When you are in discovery mode, we are mostly focused or in awe of the space. What we fail to see is how you stand out to predators. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Many predators frequent malls in search of individuals of various ages who seem to be open pray. They make assumptions about your capacity and ability to maneuver. They assume it is easy to take your treasure or hurt you. The thing with God is, we don’t even have to walk around afraid or paranoid. We are covered in His blood. That enemy, the grand opportunist looking for a time of the attack cannot penetrate the hedge of protection God has for you in this season of growth.

You should declare that “I AM HERE”. I am getting my new foundation. I am not going anywhere unless He wants me to move. That “here” does not have to be a geographical place but it can be spiritual, mental, or socially related. Be confident that you are His child and that what’s unfamiliar to you is familiar to Him. We must trust his guidance. Are we open to adhering to instructions? Do we prefer to figure things out ourselves? Life is much more peaceful and simpler if we rely on a guide that never steers wrong. When we disobey, we wander. Take a moment and get back to your information center. Father, I am HERE. Be open to learn and gain instructions for your next steps. Soon you will be the one giving instructions and guiding others in the right direction. Enjoy this newness in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17  states that “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Isaiah 43:19 says “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”.

In short, let go of former things (places in your heart and mind), connect to your center, be open to learn, trust God, wait for instructions, move with confidence and enjoy the discovery of all that is new. YOU ARE HERE NOW!

The Aftermath of COVID-19

Survival beyond the hosptial.

COVID-19, commonly referred to as “Corona” is still very present. While many are out living their best lives being precautious or reckless, this virus is very much real and continually evolving. There are still a few who are dealing with the aftermath of hosting the virus.


In a previous blog, I briefly spoke of my horrid experience being hospitalized in New York. I felt a sense of relief as I existed the hospital, but I was about to embark on a new journey that was filled with rocky mountains, raging rivers and valleys to cross. I had no idea that recovery really meant. This was still new, and no one really had answers. It is the anniversary of that event, a year later and I am still recovering. Recovering and healing means different things for everyone. Whether it’s your physical body, personal experience or mental state no one will never have identical responses.

For me, I went through a whirlwind of emotions that took me up in the air of uncertainty. I came down crashing and everything literally hurt. My lungs took a major hit, limbs and muscles had taken a vacation Physically, it took me about three weeks to fully stand without getting dizzy. It took me several months to regain my balance and confidence to walk alone. As a dancer who once had immaculate balance it bothered me to know what was happening in my body. I fought daily and tired my best to use ballet techniques to recover. As a singer and speaker, I was concerned about being able to have normal speech. Will I ever sing again? I barely was capable of speaking a sentence without often used breathing techniques and singing to help restore my lung capacity and breath better. Breathing is still an issue because my lungs took a triple hit. I was having frequent asthma attacks(asthmatic exasperations) and also pneumonia as well. COVID-19 was the icing on the horrible cake.

I did not doubt Gods power but how could all three attack me and I survive? Survivors remorse allowed tears to become daily morning routine. People who encouraged me to live had passed and I was beginning to crash mentally. I focused on recovery for myself but left and right I lost loved ones. People close were paranoid even after I recovered so it shifted my social life to a certain extent. I was hurt and upset because there were individuals who did not take other precautions or follow CDC Guidelines. I too was concerned about it interacting with others. Could I catch this again? Where have these people been, should I attend events? Instead, I choose to remain inside and take this as a mini vacation from life.

I was so accustomed to being extremely busy that when I finally was alone and quiet, I did not know what to do with myself. It was apparent that I had never known was rest and relaxation really was. I could never understand how folks “wind down”. What is that? Anger took over. I thought of all the people who did not reach out but proclaimed to care. I was dealing with symptoms of PTSD from the traumatic experience being hospitalized. I went to bed just the way I awoke daily… in tears. Increased depression and anxiety were like twins who followed me around and refused to leave me alone. Four months, six months, my birthday and beyond… tears. New trauma trigged old traumas I had never dealt with and here I am facing it alone.

 I found solace in writing, designing and musical abilities but soon after it meant nothing. Focusing on school became more challenging and I did not want to live. I was torn, I have been granted another chance at life and I don’t want it. How ungrateful I was but it was me being real. I wear the scars on my body now as a symbol of overcoming. I am happy to be here now but it took almost a year to say that sincerely. I have completely stopped dancing and singing. Most things I love I have no desire to continue most days. Sometimes my lungs constriction occurs from walking a few steps and is a fight everyday day. I wake up fatigued and often fight with weapons of self-care but some days I do not have the strength. Cosmetic pictures with fabricated smiles flooded timelines but no one know I was hurting physically and mentally.

I implore everyone to have a quality friends or seek Professional care just to talk. Therapy does not mean that you are crazy, let’s get that straight. It’s you, acknowledging that your fight on your own isn’t working. You need a voice to bring things into perspective from and objective voice.  I overcame through much prayer, spiritual guidance, addressing my feelings and enjoying hobbies. I can smile genuinely now and taking necessary steps for complete wholeness.

For more content regarding my experience, stay tuned for my upcoming book about COVID survival.

Prepare for Takeoff

Sometimes, we are waiting for our lives to “takeoff” and were confused about why we may still be in a “queue” (British) or line. God is the both the control center and the Divine Pilot. He is seated in the “pit” of our lives and desires us to arrive at our destined place but needs our cooperation. There are instructions to follow. He has a team providing them and demonstrating what safety looks like. He prepared for this moment. He came fully loaded and everything is in place. I PAID a price already for the seat that I occupy. This seat has my name on it, I belong here. What I could not cover, He took care of it.

 Aircraft does not take off sometimes due to factors such as weight(baggage), altitude pressure and runway conditions. I had to check myself. You have been “grounded” for so long but isn’t time? What is going on? What weight are you carrying that is excess that isn’t even yours? The altitude of my faith, where is it? And most importantly, what is going on with the runway of my life? God has already cleared there way and gave a green light. The signals were very clear, but I couldn’t see it.

 I then asked myself, aren’t you not built to go the distance? What is going on with the surface of the path? And is there fear? I got my answer tonight in Midnight Prayer (Encounter). My spiritual father, Dr. Courtney M. Bradley elaborated on being fastened. I then realized that it is me. I must be deliberate about being “fastened” in Him so he can take me where I need to go at the correct attitude. My problem was I couldn’t grasp what that meant or what was needed from me. It dawned on me afterwards that not only have things been demonstrated, but there is also a manual and guide to refer to.  Even if I am afraid of the height; even if I never been this way before I MUST trust that He is an expert in my life.

:Always forward, never backward” – Abraham Lincoln

God’s plan isn’t to disappoint or crash. My expected end doesn’t include casualties but life. He made the announcement for me to “prepare” and that’s my cue to use what is provided to “buckle up”. I am precious cargo to Him. I am not on this ride alone. My dear friend Tameka Samuels said when we take heed to the instruction to “be fastened then we can withstand the sudden (or projected) turbulence and winds”. In order to soar, we need speed and that’s what God is trying to build if we let Him. It is our time to soar. Soar over dangerous waters, conquer our fears, experience unchartered territory, and discover, escape the past, expand our perspective, learn, become more cultured in Him. It’s not time to loose control but allow him to be in cruise control. I don’t know about you but I’m ready for takeoff.

Time to SOAR!