Warning. This specific blog post may be sensitive subject for some readers. Just in case your unfamiliar with the term, stealthing is simply unconcentual sexual activity.
In this case, it’s the removal of a contraceptive unbeknownst to your partner’s knowledge. It’s deliberate, intentional and most of all wrong. In most places it is considered to be a criminal act. Oftentimes, women blame ourselves for certain occurrences that are beyond her control. It is the responsibility of the condom wearer to dictate that he would prefer a more natural experience. The female is left open and vulnerable for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
I’m here today just to tell someone who may hurt, confused or feel taken advantage of that it’s not your fault. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt or violated. Your trust was disregarded . You may blame yourself or feel alone. This is not a subject often discussed. Stealthing can produce devastating results not just physically but emotionally and psychologically. There is a long range of negative effects such as depression, increased anxiety and PTSD.
If you feel as though this happened to you, please alert someone who is capable to help. Obtain counseling services if necessary and take time to heal. You didn’t deserve this. You deserve to be treated with the upmost respect never forget that. Don’t worry, I survived this trauma and you can too. Don’t ever be ashamed of your story. You don’t know who you can help heal by telling your truth from a healed perspective.
One word from a person with pure intentions for you to live your best life can change your life! Yes, that was a mouthful but I couldn’t say it any other way. Beyonce asks the question “Who runs the world?” followed by a response of “girls!” but to me its WRITERS!!!
Let me explain. Writers construct the greatest speeches of all time. Many of which altered and shaped our history, nation, and the world at large. Writers evoke feelings, provide fantasy, and escape. They inspire the masses on various platforms. Writers affect our educations create laws, composed your favorite song and list goes on and on.
When someone gives great advice, that moment of inspiration and direction can shift the trajectory of your entire life. For example, my Mentor Dr. Courtney M. Bradley said, “Every day, do something about what God told you!” We all have a purpose and a destiny to fulfill. Some are still in search of clarity others are well on their way and on route. Regardless we all arrive in the timing of God. We are not our own so do not ever feel behind time or far off from where you need to be. I call Gods guidance the real G.P.S. Its Gods Positioning System of direction, instructions, and inspiration. No matter what obstacles encompasses you just know that you have a compass that would never let you go too far or lead you astray. You can rely and trust Him wholeheartedly. He has a plan for our lives (an expected end… Jeremiah 29:11) Circling back to Mr. Bradley’s quote, that statement shapes my morning thought process. Do not just get up in the literal sense but get up in life. Do a little every day. I realize that I am a person with BIG dreams, and I want to take these massive leaps, but some things require baby steps before I can take longer strides and eventually leaps.
Phenomenal individuals with great vision and wisdom happen to be writers, orators and motivational speakers influence our spheres of influence. My question to you is what words do you wake up to? Are there any words that confront you? Any words affect your habits or your daily activities?
Your vision should have words that point you forward. They say that “you are what you eat”. Every time you have a conversation with someone or have an internal monologue just know it’s an exchange of sorts. You are being fed in that exchange just make sure its something positive and nurturing that can propel you forward. Until next time stay positive, surround yourself with those who speak from a posture of health, create vision boards, utilize post-its with quotes and get yourself set up to live the life you desire to live.
They often say that “familiarity breeds contempt” I slightly disagree. It is a known fact that as people draw close despite the nature of their relationship they become relaxed.
I have been very close to every Employer I had and yet what made them love me is my understanding of boundaires. What made me different?… RESPECT. When you care for someone or honor thier title you will respect them. Respect will put you in check and remind you about where you stand and whats apporpraite. I get comfortable but not too comfortable.
There is also what I like to call the “Power of Invitation”, if your leader or authority figure invites you into thier personal lives. Its a great sign on trust and confidence that you are responsible for. You given that exclusive key should also keep in mind that your mouth should operate as a safe. Your motives need to be clear and pure. So when people get close and hurt others was it beacuse of the familiar behavior or was it because they got acess to a door without the right heart and character to remian in the building??
Social and Racial Inequality
I typicially refrain from speaking about touchy topics such as racial and social injustice but I think it is time. I am appalled by the news and current events that have swept the nation. Racism never died it was under a rug.
Now the rug has collected too much dust, someone or a group of people grew allergic and decided to dust out that mat. Lifting to unveil certain issues opened Pandora’s box but it is critical to know what we are living with. Police brutality has been more blatant and in our faces especially if you livein the inner city. Many people fought against and spoke against such expereinces. Time and time again we receive sadening news about another life loss without just cause.
Officers have “dash cams” to record events as well as protect themselves. I strongly believe that the average vehicle should have such technology built in. If were doing to talk about equality lets start with that. I think it would be great if vehicles came with an option to upload footage to your cloud immediately by the push of a button. I truly beleive that it can save lives or at least be a voice to voicelss especially if thier lives are taken. Many racists are very vocal about thier stance and exercise thier freedom of speech (1st Amendment). This world we live in is becoming more and more dangerous and it is crucial to protect yourself by any means necessary. I am in favor of creating this upgrade to American vehiciles. I hope someone sees this and really takes it into consideration.
Have you reached the lowest point of your life, feeling all hope is lost and to make it worse you feel alone??….WAIT A SECOND… Don’t give up. God allows this on purpose to prove His purpose and show you yours. It always gets worse before it gets better PLEASE HOLD ON!!! He’s gonna show up STRONG and then you’ll have one of those testimonies to say “wow look how far I have come” but He will get all the glory because nobody will be able to say they did it. Give Him permission to work. Take your hand off the wheel be a passenger and watch how your life will shift direction and route.
Oftentimes we talk about vicious cycles and how we want to be the end to them in our bloodlines. Its like a never ending song thats horrifying to your ears and peace.Guess what? Its not enough just to recognize a cycle. You have to be vigalent and proactive about strategic ways to prevent you from going down the same path.
We mostly become products of what we see, hear and experience. You have to make a conscious decision not to become “another one”. I just want to encourage someone that if you let God handle your life I can assure you with his directions and your obedience to HIm you will succeed and surpass all that is represented in your blood line. No you don’t have to accept whats preveleant. You may ask yourself well how am I different or special? It’s your mentality. If you can recognize and diagnose and issue your not on the same page. The ones called to make the difference is typically the one that feels odd and had a unique perspective. Go ahead and be great and be the change you want to see.
Just as I predicted, this Quarantine experience of 2020 is life changing. Its not just an interruption in our daily lives but a disruption mentally. So many of us have a heavy bag of emotions, fears, concerns and trauma to unpack.
Its both wise and healthy during this time to seek help, to be open and honest about how we are all feeling and make sure there’s a safety net for when you do let go of these burdens. Make sure you have a safe space or network of people who can help you make sense of what your experiencing.
For me, After the reality set in that I was a COVID-19 Survivor, my anxiety increased, I had difficulty sleeping and the list goes on. I experienced “Survivors Remorse” and I had no idea at the time that I was dealing with PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is no joke. Having flashbacks, night sweats, intensified anxiety, crying on and off or just consistently. I was a mess. I found someone to speak to and turned to my faith to help me through this process.
Depression was something I suffered silently with as a juvenile and even worse I was extremely functional. I led several groups and organizations; I was friendly and social and I kept everyone smiling and I wore one myself. Folks close to me just thought I was moody and it was difficult to express. I will encourage everyone to tap into a outlet, hobbie or find a new passion. I choose dance, songwriting, poetry, art and music as a way to express myself. Trust me, it was not easy getting here many days I wanted to do absolutely nothing but in times like this that’s when we need to discover new things. Discovery of new hobbies also excavates new strength and hope. This moment in time may be stressful but your moments alone don’t have to be.
This Quarantine is giving many of us extra time to relish, analyze and actually confront some things in our lives. I highly encourage everyone to take advantage of this opportunity to address some things when life returns (not back to normal) you will need a free conscious, liberated mind and a new found perspective on life.
This time is stressful but does not have to be!
Life is short and the window of opportunity is even shorter. This is the perfect time to establish, precure or solidify your relationship with God. Trust me, in these times we need divine intervention. Facing your issues from childhood, current trauma or issues are never easy but its necessary. Maybe you’re not dealing with pain or even loss but maybe at a crossroads of life where your trying to determine your next step, your next move in your career, education or marital status. We all have a mountain to conquer but we can’t do that we a heavy backpack. Take some moments to address what your prepared for. Ask yourself the hard questions like “Do I have a plan or strategy for this?” or “have I done the research?”. This moment in time you will not get back so use it wisely and know that you’re a blessed Treasure. Diamonds undergo a lot of pressure and other in tense processes before they begin sparkling. Before you go on display make sure your worthy of the platform.
Back in the day, folks would often get insulted and the clapback of a few generations were “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me”(old adage from 1862- Unknown Author). We deceived ourselves, that’s the worse self defense mechanism if I ever heard one.
Truth is, the most dangerous person is a person who has no self-control. Not the person with the third degree blackbelt, powerful politician or criminal. The dangerous person is that one with the unbridled tongue that is mentioned in the Bible (various chapters of Job). The reality is, your little tongue can produce massive hurt, pierce, devastate and even cripple.
How many people we know are in therapy now because of hurtful word wars with their parents? Bullying and cyberbullying has resulted in attempted suicide and even deaths. People we love who refuse to reconcile have stony hearts from words spoken over them. Some people are crippled by “You will never” and “you are like your father”. Lovers at the cusp of marriage then hear words like “I never really loved you” destroys within an instant. The list of insults, low blows, degradation and lashing continues. Whether it’s from a Troll on the internet, close friend, family member or significant other they hurt.
THINKING. Seamless pattern. Word cloud illustration.
Worlds ultimately rule our lives and shifts our perspectives. Think about it, words hold power in every aspect of our lives.Words hold weight. Each word (and the combination of some) is enough to evoke emotions, actions and create change or inspire destruction. Such power tools are seen and heard everywhere like…
Political campaigns and debates
Love Letters
Medical Documents
PowerPoint presentations
Movie with subtitles
Strategy & Philosophy
Counseling and Advice
Audiobooks
Journals and books
Starts a movement
Makes someone emotional
The start of a war
Travels around the globe
Speeches and sermons that highlight your vernacular, thoughts and heart
Resume words for people to openly judge you
Poetry and music the evoke feelings and plant seeds (good or evil)
Theories, Dissertations
Accusations or applaud
Blogs, essays and articles (newspapers) & more
Sometimes it’s not just the words but the real power is the intent and motive behind it. It may have started off with good intentions but then received incorrectly and evoke feelings that are difficult to control. My grandmother used to say “if its not pleasant, keep it to yourself”. We must realize that we have so much power in how we present and maneuver words. Let’s use our power and platforms to uplift and inspire. You never know one thing you say to someone can shift and save their lives. You never know, YOU may be the one to impact a generation, empower someone to reach their full potential, inspire someone to be great or achieve something spectacular. YOU make all the difference.
According to Google, the superhero complex or Messiah Complex, also known as the hero syndrome, or hero complex, is one of these, and is when someone has an inherent desire, a compulsion, to help people. However, it is not officially a disorder or disease.
While this may be true to the secular world, this should be the very desire of the Kingdom of God if we truly have the heart of Christ. Not a complex but a Christ effect. The strong desire to help people should be so compelling for us as Christians. Christ walked the earth and inspired many with his teachings. What He was mostly recognized for was the miracles that he worked. The Bible says in John 14:12 (KJV) Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greaterworks than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. If He arose with ALL power and has given us access to it, it means we have authority by His spirit. With that God given power and authority it is to carry on his demeanor, mentality and do what He did but in a greater capacity.
Every parent who has accomplished or achieved something in life, their greatest desire is for their offspring to find their own path to fulfilling and continuing the legacy. God the Father is no different. He wants His children to follow in His footsteps. To take over the business of loving everyone from a pure place. That love is a breeding ground for fruit like compassion, patience and so much more. In a time like this, where the world is panicked due to a pandemic, its important for us to share our light and love. To the body of Christ, what we have; it’s not a complex, disorder or disease. It’s the very absence of all things unhealthy that enables us to function and flow. 1 John 3:1King James Version (KJV)Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore, the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. We have been given superpowers to help heal and free. What we must keep in mind is that we are sidekicks we are not the main character or attraction. We must do our part (not for our own gloating or recognition) but to ensure that Christ is seen, heard and glorified.
I don’t know about you, but I love a good Superhero. I grew up admiring Batman (my favorite), Superman, Wonder Woman, Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles and so much more. I admired their compassion for others and willingness to go above and beyond to save others even if it meant they would be at high risk or danger. I noticed that they monitor things going on which means they were in tune with their community. As soon as a cry for help was made, they were moved with compassion and immediately responded. They lived their lives but knew when to shift gears to become what the people needed.
The world is currently simultaneously on their knees, a united cry for help and deliverance. The word says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV)Ifmypeople, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. If we cry out sincerely our Super Hero, the Hero of heroes will show up.
Jesus is that Superhero that was waiting to be called on. He has been overlooked and underestimated. He was put on the “backburner” while we sought out other gods and sources of refuge. What we are coming to realize is that He is Hero that we can love, trust and depend on. He shifts gears to become what we need and he is HERE as a provider, keeper, life preserver, covering and so much more if we stop to count our blessings.
Psychologically speaking, some believe that we have a tendency to fall in love with the first person to show us kindness after trauma, disappointment or problematic life experiences. When we feel we can finally exhale and consider ourselves “safe”, it maybe the opposite. It’s dangerous when someone is aware of your mental state and condition and peruses you with a hidden agenda or motive It’s also harmful when the victim falls in love with their savior because its known as transference. The unconscious act of transferring all energy and emotions on to another. The person offering help is viewed as a personal love interest. We don’t recognize that they are just there to help. You may just be their assignment but its not a love connection. Vice versa if your called to help you can’t date your assignment. Remember we are the sidekicks on assignment to clear the way like First Responders until the true HERO steps on the scene.
In some cases, it’s just good Samaritans (Angels) who enter our lives at the right time. Trust me it’s not by coincidence its God orchestrated. He has us on a schedule and a path. Whether you deviate or not, He is still in control. Jesus is that Superhero the world needs now. He is the only one who wouldn’t take advantage. He is here to not just help but heal and deliver. He is concerned about your mental, physical, emotional and physical state. After all we have encountered, He comes on the scene just in time and has no other desire but to love us. He is completely safe, the only thing He desires in return is our hearts. To truly love him and not know that where Christ is there is no more crisis (often said by Bishop Courtney Bradley). If what the world needs now is love and refuge, let’s seek it in God. Believers, its time to really be authentic points of contact and portray what we often profess.
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