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WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

SOMETIMES LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH!

So many are in search of a soulmate, their “person” and in love with love. However, there comes a time when you have to get your head out of the clouds and make strategic decisions that are far above your feelings.

Many arrive at that place in their relationship when things have intensified and are very serious. In the season that considers marriage and another level of commitment, there is a lot to consider. You’re going to make a vital decision that will shift the entire trajectory of your life. Understanding the severity of this single decision is key. It will affect every aspect of your daily life, success, and overall wellness.  

If you are planning and considering a union, then it is safe to say that you are in love. Besides obvious feelings and emotions, there are many things to analyze, discuss, disclose, and explore. We often believe that we are loving with “our eyes open” but in actuality, love has overpowered your senses. Something could be right under your nose or in your face but for some reason, it is undetectable and overlooked. I ask the question…are you capable of recognizing red flags or are you color blind? Are you only listening to your heart?

Everything isn’t as it seems. Taking a step back typically helps you locate the item. Temporarily moving from an environment that is fragrant-filled will make you recognize the distinction when you return. A chance to observe outside the stage of euphoria. A chance to put aside all the wonderful things you love about your partner and get real. All of this is necessary to make level-headed decisions to ensure your life is enhanced and not destroyed. I am not saying to break up. Please understand that sometimes when many date they lose sight of all the things they were and fail to connect with others to add balance. Dr. Cortney Bradley speaks about “expiring your prior”. Whoever you were before you got into this relationship, maintain it. Don’t allow people to come into your life and take you away from people, places, activities, routines, and beliefs to turn you into someone they could love.  Love is a risk you take with heart but should not be in the equation alone because what you love may not love you back or even benefit your life.

There is a reason why hindsight is considered 20/20. After some time, those high levels of dopamine and your chemical highs begin to settle, you begin to think more clearly. Some weigh their relationships by the metaphor of seeing the glass as half empty or half full. These major life decisions can’t be based on love alone. I challenge you to evaluate your partner in a similar manner. See them as a vessel that is either empty, fully overflowing, or broken. Half full or half empty is irrelevant because vessels can be easily refilled or emptied out.

Let’s delve deeper…

1. EMPTY: You cannot pour from an empty cup to give what you haven’t got. Some people are patient and are willing to take time to pour into their partner. They are hoping and believing that eventually, there will be substance to receive. This vessel can be special because it is full of potential for major capacity.

2. FULL: A full vessel can be exciting. It may seem like it’s packed with everything you desire. Full isn’t always a good thing. Someone can be full of themselves, issues from their past and so many unfavorable things. Evaluate their fullness and substance. Is this person full of love that will spill over? Is the fullness admirable characteristics or full of red and neon signs? What are you willing to accept?  Ask questions such as “is there any room for personal growth?… and is there room for me?

3. BROKEN: The final category. BEWARE!! And be very careful. The optimistic lover and person with a hero complex will see the potential here. Being positive and believing in someone’s growth is beautiful, however most people like where they are or are stuck somewhere you cannot help them move out of. You will recognize some room and space for development. Many will remain and try to work things out saying, “No one is perfect!”. It’s justified love. Making excuses to cover them because, after all, they are not bad people just have some intense issues.  When you are in love you are so eager to help, heal, and repair… newsflash! You cannot do it. You see some capacity but at some point, this person is incapable of holding on to what you give and unable to adequately pour back. There is a lack of flow, and you may be left dehydrated. The sharpness of the broken pieces is often fragments of deep trauma, pain, toxic traits, and unfavorable habits. These sharp edges can easily puncture what is authentic, tender, and vulnerable. It’s either you handle it with care or stand clear. A cut may appear to be simple, and you bandage it with forgiveness and much work. You may continue to bleed only to find out that although small, the cut is deeper than you initially accessed. Now you’re losing blood. Blood is a valuable source of life, oxygen, and nutrients. Bleeding is a depletion of energy and life that’s irreplaceable. You will recognize symptoms such as feeling emotionally fatigued, suffocation, or as if you are dying slowly (“Killing Me Softly”). It’s high time to reevaluate. This is now a wound and you may need assistance.

It’s imperative to know yourself and be strong as you stand knowing your worth is immeasurable. To know your standards and be self-aware. Did this vessel add to me or deplete me? It’s imperative to seek God via prayer and medication. Be bold enough to ask questions and courageous enough to accept his answers. God and therapy can help you heal and regain strength. Life is not over. Know that your heart is resilient, and you will bounce back. Sometimes, love isn’t enough, you need critical thinking not paranoia. You need to be analytical and honest by asking the right questions to gain clarity and a refined perspective. For resources in relation to love, communication, and analysis; check out my new book ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. ATC is a writing prompt to assist you with those hard questions, explore and discover, and gain clarity.

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED: 100+ Discussion Prompts For Deeper Connections: Renee, Chrissy: 9798859889907: Amazon.com: Books

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Confusion and Relationships

Let’s start by defining confusion. Some call it drama, issues, problems created by a misinterpretation of information or lack thereof. Google provided this lovely rendition that states that is the lack of understanding. Its synonyms include unclear, uncertainty, unsure, bewilderment and perplexity.

We all heard it before. Communication is the answer to a crazy situation or confusion. Communication creates an avenue for clarity and enlightenment. One must be brave and mature enough to approach a situation seeking understanding. Many often just wish to get their point across without applying effective listening. Worst yet, others fill voids with assumptions.

Perspective is everything. Our perspectives are often shaped by our psychological and environmental conditioning. We are either coming to conclusions in our own minds or our experiences has shaped the way we define or interpret situations. The way you see things also complicates and magnifies a situation.

We must come to terms with a crossroad in every relationship. Do I wish to stay or to go? Whether or not someone means the world to you or not. Avoidance of a person or situation isn’t helping. Anyone you know ever saw things clearly by shutting their eyes? One must desire to handle things with civil or gracious manner. Regardless of what took place. I get it, respect is often earned and not just given but maturity says that some things are better off if you become the bigger person. The person of reason even if it means catching a bullet amid a heated war. When situations happen and you appear at that crossroads, you should know where you stand. Regardless of where you are in a relationship it should be our desire to gain clarity. Expressing how you feel respectfully is not a sin nor a broken law. The immature and insincere create assumptions or aim to control a narrative without facts. Too many times, we witness beautiful relationships become brief encounters all because no one was willing to seek out clarity. That moment of transparency to get things into perspective.

If someone means anything to you, it should never get out of hand. Communication should be constant and honest. Some level of integrity needs to be present to maintain any relationship whether its work related, a significant other, family member or a friend. Nothing you treasure should be dragged in muddy waters. A simple conversation is like a clean shower and a spa. There is a sense of relief and freedom that comes along with communication. Caring is sharing thoughts expressed with a measure of couth. If you care, you would never leave someone bewildered about a situation or unclear about where they stand with you. Communication says I am upset yet I am willing to speak. Effective communication is needed always. Look at Businesses or teams in general. How can people execute or accomplish anything without being united in clear vision? Whether your frustrated or betrayed, we all deserve a chance to speak our minds even if it’s to say goodbye. Question is, which lens are you seeing the situation through? Confusion is like an unwanted bookmark in a story that you have yet to finish. Clarity would remove all the questions and provide the right answers if we are willing to receive it.