Posted on

Sweet on You

I’m Sweet On You

From childhood to adulthood, most of us crave something savory, rich, creamy, and sweet. The sales grow by at least 5% worldwide and it’s all for ice cream. Ice cream serves as a treat, an escape, a snack, a dessert, a mood booster, and most certainly a comfort food.

Your taste buds may go from simple to an expanded pallet, but it will always be something to crave whether it’s a heat wave or cold outside. We all have our preferences in flavors and serving options. Some like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and even exotic flavors. Others like it fried, as a milkshake, some out of a bowl, some on a cone, and others straight out of the container. There are others who focus on texture and feel and prefer it hard, soft, or even melted.  Regardless of how you like it, you just have to have it.

Coldstones is a popular crematory ice cream chain. You get a customized order of your liking. You choose everything from the size and toppings; you can choose from signatures or design your own, it is a true experience. One thing I have always loved was the sizing options, it’s labeled creatively. The three basic sizes are “like it”, “love it” and “gotta have it” which to me gives a sensual connotation. More than your typical reference but truly reminds me of sex.

Nothing’s taboo here, we all like “ice cream”. Think about the description, how we prefer it to be served, favors, sizes, and more. Your mind can run wild here but there’s something special I gained from reviewing the sizes. In relationships, we either come in with preferences or attain them along with way with experience. Your body will speak to you about the levels of sex and intimacy you crave. Many relationships fall apart for several reasons and one major one is a unsatisfied partner. While intimacy, quality time, and other aspects of a relationship are essential for growth, security, and longevity; connectivity plays a major role. Your hormones control your moods and many aspects of your personal life and permeate into the pores of your relationship. Many people will tell you that things started to go downhill after their sex life began suffering.

It’s imperative to ask hard and sometimes intrusive questions while dating or courting. You need to know what your partner’s needs and desires are. Not always will they match a hundred percent but it’s good insight. Use that detail to make an informed decision about your future together. For instance, let’s go back to the Coldstones measurements LIKE IT. LOVE IT. GOTTA HAEIT. A partner who merely enjoys sex linked with a partner who has to have it is going to struggle a bit. One partner may feel unsatisfied or if not spoken about internalize the body language as a rejection. Others may feel that one partner is too focused on sex and that other things do not matter to them which could be completely wrong. Your mismatched libidos (sex drives) can cause a dilemma and much frustration. There is a thing called sex drive discrepancy (SDD) when partners experience different levels or a different frequency of sexual activity. It’s like wanting to share your ice cream with your lover but they are lactose intolerant. This may not mean that you are with the wrong person. However, it does mean it’s something to discuss.

Communication should be paramount in your relationship. Couples should consider this topic while calm and when both partners are ready to be transparent. I would suggest before becoming intimate, so you have an idea of what you’re walking into. If I had to go somewhere temporarily, I would pack for it, which calls for preparation. You need to do some research, is it cold or hot? How do I brace myself for my intended experience? Be prepared to actively listen and communicate your needs unapologetically, discuss your levels of freakiness or openness (a whole other discussion), safe words, and things you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with. Discuss what makes you feel appreciated, and what feels good, and define what pleasure means to you. Don’t give up on each other, be patient, find common ground if you can, and work on meeting in the middle. Remember that ninety percent of communication is non-verbal and what you don’t discuss is left up to your partner’s imagination, assumption, and misinterpretation. Having a healthy relationship includes all aspects of your relationship being addressed. Let your partner feel and know that you’re sweet on them! Enjoy your sweet treat!

Posted on

Support Me

God has made everyone unique, a wonderful dynamic of diversity. However, we often forget that concept. Our perspectives are often selfish, limited, biased, partial, cloudy, culturally based, or just shaped by the norms of our environments.

 Many have lost valuable relationships based on our lack of understanding. We forget that premise is correct, we are all different. We all vary in definitions and have peculiar perspectives, life encounters, influences, and environments. What’s common to you may be foreign to another. We tend to go to what and who feels familiar, a form of social subconscious bias. We tend to cling to people with whom we find the most commonalities. We naturally and sometimes intentionally avoid and reject all that is different from us that we may have challenges accepting. Sometimes the person or perspective challenges us. We don’t grow or expand our horizons sticking to what we know but rather live a life boxed in.

Even within our own circles, we have boxed-in mentalities that comes with a series of expectations. It’s not that others let us down; they were being themselves, but what let us down was our own expectations. We have monologues with ourselves (lacking communication) and say, “we’re close you “should know this and that”. This is why communication is essential to any form of interaction. Not everyone shows visible expressions of how they feel, not everyone is verbally expressive, and not everyone is emotionally intelligent. We must speak with each other.

The most common topic on people’s minds, posts, statuses, and conversations is … ME. I know Beyonce sang “Me, myself and I… that’s all I got in the end, that’s what I found out”. Most likely a narrative of hurt from a former lover. We often take hurt and pretend to be better when everything we’re portraying is really screaming the opposite. We don’t realize that we are a self-centered generation. We can’t recognize another’s pain and that fact has contributed to the rising number of suicide cases. The surviving is left to answer

  1. What signs did I miss?
  2. Where was I?
  3. Did I do enough?
  4. Could this have been prevented? And the rabbit hole of inquiries continues on…

We are often stuck in our own world. We may have a few people inside our bubble but yet still have ridiculous standards. One I would like to address in particular is the issue of the lack of support. We all have said it at some time in our lives. “We don’t feel supported” or “I support everyone but when it’s my turn, where is everyone?”. It’s good to be self-aware and know what your needs are as long as we’re not consumed by them. By all means, know thyself. Be familiar with your own love languages as part of your hierarchy of needs (Maslow) is demanding support, encouragement, or validation. However, I have a question?… Since you are requesting to be supported, in which way did you leave the door open or grant someone access to show up? Also, did you know that nobody has to support you? It’s not a criterion for life, it’s not a prerequisite for loyalty, and here is why.

As I stated previously, we are all different and our perspectives vary. Whether it’s what you’ve taught or your own concepts about life, we don’t all see the same. Can you wear other prescription glasses? Of course not, so we would have less of an emotional battle, and decreased frustration when we learn to accept that support means different things for different people. Just because you are close to someone doesn’t mean they will automatically pick up certain facts and preferences. Some things are obvious like a parent attending their child’s recital. There should be no question of “showing up” there. However, If you have an endeavor, achieve a goal, or reach a milestone, how people respond to you will vary. You will have to accept that fact and truly be okay with it.

In business, they tell you not to see your immediate circle as your clients and they are correct. Many close to the sun are blinded and they can’t quite see you and all your majesty. They will most likely not appreciate you until it becomes “dark” and they realized you brought sunshine to their lives. A realization only reality can bring.

You cannot force or manipulate people to support you. Support will be disingenuous and might be full of responses (verbal and non-verbal) that you may not like. Oftentimes, support will come from surprising sources.

There are many pros and cons to support. If you get it, appreciate it but if you don’t just know that it doesn’t take anything away from you. You are still amazing; most gems are often hidden and need to be found by someone who is searching for value or is professionally trained to recognize it.

Here are some disadvantages of a poor support system

  1. Prone to depression
  2. Vulnerable to suicide
  3. Questioning your worth
  4. Insecurities
  5. Feelings of loneliness
  6. Lack of security
  7. Increases Anxiety
  8. Confirms self-defense mechanisms
  9. A need to be strong all the time
  10. Adaptation to handling things on your own, later unwilling to accept help
  11. Resentment
  12. Cynicism

On the other hand, here is how support can be beneficial

  1. Boosts confidence
  2. More likely to thrive and accomplish goals
  3. Gain an extra push
  4. Boosts mood
  5. Serves as a community
  6. Provides a sense of belonging
  7. Increases strength
  8. Overall health and well-being
  9. Ability to speak up about issues and concerns

In today’s climate, there are a lot of regrets and destroyed relationships due to a lack of communication. Let’s remember that support looks different for eveyrone and is defined by unique perception.

Let’s us practice exercising genuine concern empathy and tapping into our emotional intelligence. Before a demise, the signs are all there. People just don’t commit suicide because they are sad. Sometimes they are just fed up with the world and how we treat them. Life in itself can beat upon someone but support and authentic connections can make a difference. Let’s throw kindness around like confetti and be the difference that makes someone’s world different!