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The Power of Exchange

When people think of exchange, they immediately think of it in its common context. A swapping or trading of one item for another typically something material. 

We also think of shopping, and how if something does not work; we return an item by giving back the original purchase (with a receipt of course) to replace it with something new. Overall, it is the act of giving and receiving.

What we least consider are treasures and gems. These are not physical gems but have great value. Wisdom, knowledge, sound advice, laughter, peace, prayer, and encouragement. We need to surround ourselves with people who understand the “pour”. Pouring into each other. This ensures that no one goes empty. If we are constantly inspiring and speaking life into each other, no one will be dry, vacant, deserted, abandoned, or even feel worthless.

Every time we come together it’s an exchange. Every conversation is an exchange. You give of your time, energy, and vice versa. Everyone leaves with something whether positive or negative. Things will not always be perfect but it’s imperative to know that your circle has substance. A circle of close ones who believe in the principle of honor. When things get challenging or tumultuous in your relationship; it can stand because it was founded on solid principles with a common perspective. 

Old folks used to say “show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are!” That adage is full of facts. If frequent association and affiliation gradually lead to assimilation, then it is safe to say that your “crew”, family, friends, associates are important. People do not have power over you. You make your own decisions; however, influence is quite powerful. Ask yourself, the people I frequently communicate and interact with…what exactly are we doing for each other? Are these relationships exchanging wealth, empowerment, and strength? How is this relationship mutually beneficial?

I am not discouraging you from mentoring. Some people are in our lives just to receive from us. I am not encouraging you to remove people from your life but to consider each relationship. To be aware of what is being exchanged. You should still love and respect people but also know when what is hurting you is also too close. I am encouraging you not to exchange your homeostasis of peace and other valuables for any relationship, it is not worth it. Get a grip on who is in your life and why. Remember, not every relationship will be an equal exchange, we are here to help others. Let’s just be wise and recognize when your

  1. pouring into a vessel full of holes
  2. pouring but never then left empty
  3. Pouring without reciprocation
  4. Pouring and being poured back into

It is time to take a deep dive into our interpersonal life and see how it affects us daily. Your mental health, business, success and so much more are dependent on it.

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Effective Leadership Pt. 2

Previously, we discussed several styles of leadership as well as some amazing attributes of an Effective Leader. Unfortunately, just like everything in life there are some contrary perspectives and unfavorable behaviors. Some leaders allow personal insecurities and egos to seep into their work, many unbeknownst to them. They tend to rule with a iron fist. They don’t realize that fear is not the same as respect. Others suffer with superiority complexes which includes manipulation, nepotism, and degradation. These leaders tend to recognize efforts or potential. They rarely know their teams’ weaknesses or abilities. Not knowing your team is detrimental and can cost you everything. You may experience a high volume of turnover in departments and find yourself interviewing new staff more and more as displeasure spreads like a virus. Here are some things that can easily occur..

  1. Abilities are hidden and never get nurtured or developed.
  2. It’s imperative to desire wholeness as a person before leading or entering an industry. Your inner darkness becomes a plague that external parties have to live under.
  3. Underestimating potential and assigning the wrong roles that yield no fruit.
  4. Overlooking your staff because nepotism is prevalent. This will breed jealously, resentment and frustration.
  5. Discrediting hard work with will infuriate Staff. That frustration will result into many unwanted behaviors and many resignation letters.
  6. Lack of professional integrity
  7. Chaotic culture and a toxic work environment.
  8. Division
  9. Staff is in fear of the Leader but have no genuine respect.

Revenue is great but its priceless to have motivated, loyal and dedicated staff that see your vision as a torch to carry. Some may argue that point but let’s talk about what effective leadership looks like. Here are some behaviors, attitudes and practices to avoid…

  1. Sarcasm
  2. Backhanded compliments
  3. Manipulation.
  4. Exercising your superiority complex with a hint of narcissism.
  5. Harsh tones and obvious body langue of displeasure
  6. Unforgiveness of mistakes
  7. Promoting others prematurely or lacking skills
  8. Failure to acknowledge effort and hard work.
  9. Assumptions.
  10. Blame game is always your reasoning for failure
  11. Believing that things are personal.
  12. Internalizing everything instead of being vocal
  13. Failure to train is a form of neglect.
  14. Refusal to trust
  15. Micromanagement
  16. Inability to recognize potential.
  17. Avoidance of conflict
  18. Refusal to fire individuals of high ranking because you fear your company would lose a key employee.
  19. Unwillingness to be flexible.
  20. Poor communication skills.
  21. Tardiness is a lifestyle.
  22. Lack of Corporate vulnerability
  23. Allowing your ego to be your leader.

The above are obvious qualities that are unfavorable. You may say “that’s not me!” but you will never truly know until you get honest feedback. In your sight, you can be the best Leader in the world. Perspective is not EVERYTHING. Your personal brand and what poeple say about you when your not present speaks VOLUMES. Take time to take inventory of whats not on the shelves but inside you. You are the orginal brand ambassador for your company. What is your behavior portraying?

Please if you are a leader or plan on becoming one, keep an open mind. You may know best, but you do not know ALL. Also, some leeway for feedback even on your performance. Leaders are humans like everyone else. They do not always function at their peak. You will never have everything right but if your eager to learn and grow, so will your organization. There should always be room for growth. Remember each member is a plant that you are accountable to grow. It may require replanting, wisdom to know when and where to water, placement of seeds, providing light and ensuring the overall health of the whole.

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Stealthing Plain and Simple

Warning. This specific blog post may be sensitive subject for some readers. Just in case your unfamiliar with the term, stealthing is simply unconcentual sexual activity.

In this case, it’s the removal of a contraceptive unbeknownst to your partner’s knowledge. It’s deliberate, intentional and most of all wrong. In most places it is considered to be a criminal act. Oftentimes, women blame ourselves for certain occurrences that are beyond her control. It is the responsibility of the condom wearer to dictate that he would prefer a more natural experience. The female is left open and vulnerable for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

I’m here today just to tell someone who may hurt, confused or feel taken advantage of that it’s not your fault. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt or violated. Your trust was disregarded . You may blame yourself or feel alone. This is not a subject often discussed. Stealthing can produce devastating results not just physically but emotionally and psychologically. There is a long range of negative effects such as depression, increased anxiety and PTSD.

If you feel as though this happened to you, please alert someone who is capable to help. Obtain counseling services if necessary and take time to heal. You didn’t deserve this. You deserve to be treated with the upmost respect never forget that. Don’t worry, I survived this trauma and you can too. Don’t ever be ashamed of your story. You don’t know who you can help heal by telling your truth from a healed perspective.

#Womens rights #consent #stealthing #intercourse

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One Word, Direction

One word from a person with pure intentions for you to live your best life can change your life! Yes, that was a mouthful but I couldn’t say it any other way. Beyonce asks the question “Who runs the world?” followed by a response of “girls!” but to me its WRITERS!!!

Let me explain. Writers construct the greatest speeches of all time. Many of which altered and shaped our history, nation, and the world at large. Writers evoke feelings, provide fantasy, and escape. They inspire the masses on various platforms. Writers affect our educations create laws, composed your favorite song and list goes on and on.

When someone gives great advice, that moment of inspiration and direction can shift the trajectory of your entire life. For example, my Mentor Dr. Courtney M. Bradley said, “Every day, do something about what God told you!” We all have a purpose and a destiny to fulfill. Some are still in search of clarity others are well on their way and on route. Regardless we all arrive in the timing of God. We are not our own so do not ever feel behind time or far off from where you need to be. I call Gods guidance the real G.P.S. Its Gods Positioning System of direction, instructions, and inspiration. No matter what obstacles encompasses you just know that you have a compass that would never let you go too far or lead you astray. You can rely and trust Him wholeheartedly. He has a plan for our lives (an expected end… Jeremiah 29:11) Circling back to Mr. Bradley’s quote, that statement shapes my morning thought process. Do not just get up in the literal sense but get up in life. Do a little every day. I realize that I am a person with BIG dreams, and I want to take these massive leaps, but some things require baby steps before I can take longer strides and eventually leaps.

Phenomenal individuals with great vision and wisdom happen to be writers, orators and motivational speakers influence our spheres of influence. My question to you is what words do you wake up to? Are there any words that confront you? Any words affect your habits or your daily activities?

Your vision should have words that point you forward. They say that “you are what you eat”. Every time you have a conversation with someone or have an internal monologue just know it’s an exchange of sorts. You are being fed in that exchange just make sure its something positive and nurturing that can propel you forward. Until next time stay positive, surround yourself with those who speak from a posture of health, create vision boards, utilize post-its with quotes and get yourself set up to live the life you desire to live.

Back in the day, folks would often get insulted and the clapback of a few generations were “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me”(old adage from 1862- Unknown Author). We deceived ourselves, that’s the worse self defense mechanism if I ever heard one.

Truth is, the most dangerous person is a person who has no self-control. Not the person with the third degree blackbelt, powerful politician or criminal. The dangerous person is that one with the unbridled tongue that is mentioned in the Bible (various chapters of Job). The reality is, your little tongue can produce massive hurt, pierce, devastate and even cripple.

How many people we know are in therapy now because of hurtful word wars with their parents? Bullying and cyberbullying has resulted in attempted suicide and even deaths. People we love who refuse to reconcile have stony hearts from words spoken over them. Some people are crippled by “You will never” and “you are like your father”. Lovers at the cusp of marriage then hear words like “I never really loved you” destroys within an instant. The list of insults, low blows, degradation and lashing continues. Whether it’s from a Troll on the internet, close friend, family member or significant other they hurt.

  • THINKING. Seamless pattern. Word cloud illustration.

Worlds ultimately rule our lives and shifts our perspectives. Think about it, words hold power in every aspect of our lives.Words hold weight. Each word (and the combination of some) is enough to evoke emotions, actions and create change or inspire destruction. Such power tools are seen and heard everywhere like…

  • Political campaigns and debates
  • Love Letters
  • Medical Documents
  • PowerPoint presentations
  • Movie with subtitles
  • Strategy & Philosophy
  • Counseling and Advice
  • Audiobooks
  • Journals and books
  • Starts a movement
  • Makes someone emotional
  • The start of a war
  • Travels around the globe
  • Speeches and sermons that highlight your vernacular, thoughts and heart
  • Resume words for people to openly judge you
  • Poetry and music the evoke feelings and plant seeds (good or evil)
  • Theories, Dissertations
  • Accusations or applaud  
  • Blogs, essays and articles (newspapers) & more

Sometimes it’s not just the words but the real power is the intent and motive behind it. It may have started off with good intentions but then received incorrectly and evoke feelings that are difficult to control. My grandmother used to say “if its not pleasant, keep it to yourself”. We must realize that we have so much power in how we present and maneuver words. Let’s use our power and platforms to uplift and inspire. You never know one thing you say to someone can shift and save their lives. You never know, YOU may be the one to impact a generation, empower someone to reach their full potential, inspire someone to be great or achieve something spectacular. YOU make all the difference.