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All Dead Things Have an Odor: The effect, infect and affect.

Anything that is dead has a strong and very distinct smell due to decomposition (decay) and bacteria breakdown. Everything that is dead has an odor; an indication of what has expired, what needs to be buried or removed from our lives.

Naturally, products have a shelf life or provide an expiration date to indicate when the duration of quality is up.  It’s a safeguard from poisoning and a way to manage freshness. It provides you with information to make informed decisions on what you select.

Let’s consider our refrigerator, when things are spoiled, moldy or expired it will offend your nostrils. No matter how many boxes of baking soda you have present, the smell will emerge and overpower. It’s an indicator to those who are sensitive or aware. There is a time where you cannot pretend to be “nose blind” because it will be that offensive. Sometimes, we like being naive and other times we are just numb due to repeated and prolonged exposure to the offense. We don’t even realize how we are being infected, affected, or effected. This is why we need people in our lives to hold us accountable. People that will be bold and caring enough to alert you. We also must keep in mind what we have ignored does and will affect others.

There are people, places, experiences, relationships etc. all past the expiration date were still holding on to. It’s offending us, infecting our moods, joy, peace and happiness. It allows us to hold on to offense and be defensive. It’s a consistent stench in our lives that we give a reaction to but it’s time to back up with action. How many times do you use that garbage that has foul smelling items inside before we are fed up and decide to take the trash out? Some may act immediately, other say “it’s not that bad”. Either way there comes a time when you must be responsible for what you allow in your environment and make a move. We have the power to allow something to infect and affect us. We are living in evidence of our decisions. What we did and even failed to do. Life will happen without your permission but for that which we can control, we must take control.

We often say “oh it’s a new day; I’m letting go of people place and things which no longer serve us” but we don’t mean it until much later. There’s the justification process, the internal war until it gets bad enough to say, “I can’t take this anymore”.  The act of letting go or releasing is a powerful one. Sometimes, it’s just painful. At one point, that thing or person was a blessing, useful or even brought us joy. In the past, there was pleasure and now it’s a belligerent issue or creating a threatening or disrespectful environment. You don’t need a neon sign, red flag or something nefarious to know when it’s time to let go. If it’s dead, it becomes dead weight. If it’s dead, it will stink up your life. Let go! It’s not benefitting, it’s not serving great purpose, it’s not an enhancement, it’s not an upgrade, it doesn’t improve your overall well-being. Let it Go!

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Forgive the Abuse

THE ROOT OF THE PAIN

There are two quotes that I despise with great passion. The famous sarcastic statement of “It’s not rocket science” and “I’m hard on you because I want you to be better than me!”. I started hearing it more often and found myself to be highly irritated. I needed to do some digging to find out why. After some reflection, I realized that it was not the person. It traced back to the root of pain where those statements were so rudely introduced.

Emotional and verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Although bruises, broken bones, wounds, and cuts heal, words often don’t. If you don’t believe me, ask a therapist. You can carry verbal scars for a lifetime. They are not a badge of honor or survival. They are like chronic health issues that become a part of your daily life and “act up” when triggered. Words can replay in your psyche (soul, mind, and spirit) and be a hindrance in various parts of your life.
Both cases of abuse are severe instances that hinder your ability to trust, be open and vulnerable, leaves a residue of insecurity. Oftentimes we think we “got over it” but then memories infuriate you and cause you to do or say something you can potentially regret. Many experience difficulties loving and embracing, you may experience PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is just the beginning. There are panic attacks for comments and circumstances that mirror what you have been through. You may be short-tempered and eager to protect yourself and violent. You may have walls up, become sarcastic, live in survival mode, and experience self-sabotage. There are a host of repercussions and varied effects.
After the deep soul search, I realized I was introduced to these quotes from a family member who I loved dearly but never really could determine if the love was ever reciprocated. I realized years later that person was hurting too. They were broken and had to be strong despite what they had to endure. I admire their strength but now I had to let go of those things because words are anchors. While you’re considering going in a different direction, your ship is unable to move because those comments have more weight than you would like to admit. Forgiveness isn’t for them but it’s for us to be free and not give our power away. I know it’s hard for some to consider but it’s the truth. Some things have to be squished, sliced, and dissected so you can enjoy the fruit or the flavor. Well, forgiveness has a fragrance and taste that is indescribable and liberating.
I realized that forgiveness is an art. Even in the Bible, it taught about forgiving seventy times seven for one individual (Matthew 18:22). It means that people will offend you and it may be multiple times. I’m not saying to be someone’s fool, but they may mess up more than once as infallible beings. It’s not that anything is wrong with you, you are not “Soft” but being the bigger person who exercises much grace. We must learn to establish boundaries without damaging others and ourselves.
Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), but it also heals. Look at stray abused dogs. They may want to attack when you attempt to rescue them but it’s like wow look at what they endured. You must give it some time.

“Your assignment will most likely bite you before they bless you,” said Dr. Courtney M. Bradley. People are imperfect and will mess up more times than they can count. Haven’t we done something things numerous times before we got it right?… but yet we are forgiven. The Bible talks about forgiveness being done seventy times seven. If you do the math, it’s 490 times. Most folks would be like who going to sit back and allow someone to offend or attack me that much?. People will be people, and some are trapped in their world of pain-causing havoc. We are so eager to cut people off. If you fire people from a job without an exit interview or some form of explanation there is no lesson learned just recycled behaviors. We end up being stuck in emotions like a bookmark in a dramatic novel. God doesn’t want us to be fooled but to live free. Forgiveness is art for self-liberation we must practice. You may never get that deserved apology but still…practice. When memories offend, forgive again. Keep practicing. “Forgiveness is a fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it”- Mark Twain. I desire to be a fragrance before God that he can be pleased with where beauty is revealed even in pressing times. Understand that people who are abused express what they have been suppressing. YOU are not anyone’s punching bag. You are not called to be the one in the way of projective behavior. It’s a sad cycle but I am learning to have more compassion than I did in times past. Thing’s people say will cut deep but know that you loved and love yourself enough to live through it and surpass it. Have that hard conversation but don’t dwell there, don’t give negativity more life and power. You win just by being your awesome authentic self. Let it all go so you won’t have to live hindered and on defense.