Warning! This read is heavy in terms of context. Please be advised. 

Disclaimer!! I am not. A mental health professional or provider. However, I have worked as a motivational interviewer and have experienced clients with suicidal ideation in the past. This post also contains my personal account, my opinion, and observations.

There are several categories of people who are unalived by suicide, and there are many reasons that lead to these actions. Everything is overwhelmed with inescapable unfavorable outcomes in areas such as serious mental illness, harassment, bullying, legal matters, forms of abuse, relationship troubles, personal and internal issues, religion and religious abuse, financial, business, media, government corruption, feelings of doom, and many other stressors. Many may experience a complex combination of the aforementioned.

The one I have personally experienced was hopelessness. It’s a feeling of despair; you do not have any positive feelings towards your future. You have lost optimism and become cynical towards life. You believe that nothing is going to change. Things will only get worse from here I don’t see things turning around. The glass is not even a quarter full at this point in life.

There are a million ways to end your life, and sometimes it’s an intentional way. It’s not just a choice or escape as most see it. Many see it as the only solution. I am here to enlighten those of you who feel like the act is a selfish act and that life is full of choices, and they chose the cowardly way out. These individuals are simply tired!

Suicide is the act of intentionally harming himself with the intention and motive to cause harm that will lead to death.  The heightened form of depression where medication and other methods seemed to have failed an individual. 

While some of you may cringe at the very thought of getting life insurance and creating a will others are planning their end. People say how selfish of someone to do this. Let’s talk about that. 

Do you believe that people sit around and say “ humph how can I hurt, devastate and traumatize my loved ones?” No! They actually perceive themselves as a burden and that live for all will be better and simply go on. We have seen it with some many. They become distant memories and that’s just the way life is. People will bounce back IF affected. All will be well when I’m gone. 

People think that there are obvious signs. Blatant signs where people become withdrawn, lose weight, focus and drive, sort out all their affairs, write letters, post stats on social media, and disappear. It’s simple declines like failure to practice basic self-care, refusal to take medication, failure to keep up with medical appointments, lack of interest in things that once brought joy, and subtleties. Many may still participate in activities, trying to act normal, but you’ll notice that the spark is gone. 

Sometimes it’s the high functioning individual, always smiling and producing. The one with trophies, accolades. massive platforms and money. This intentional act comes from enduring pain that cannot be easily remedied. A posture of hopelessness. It’s like going down a dark staircase. You may be afraid of the dark but for some reason something intrigues you to go. If you never been there you’ll never be able to relate. 

I encourage you never to minimize anyone’s experience when they share their stories, or trauma with you. Sometimes silence is okay too. A hug and genuine concern goes a long way. I use that word genuine because oftentimes it’s the empathic individuals that are depressed. These people have a special ability to interpret and understand behaviors, atmospheric changes. They pick up when you  have changed( even in the slightest sense) and are now just tolerating them. They feel everything and often feel alone.  They will know something is up and prepare themselves to quickly detach.

We only check on people during certain seasons when trauma occurred or maybe the holidays for those who may not have families but trust me when I say those are not times people feel alone. Loneliness doesn’t mean this person is literally isolated.  They just don’t feel a deep connection with those around them  people don’t seem to comprehend their need for a sense of belonging or connectivity. 

Society does give room for people to have breakdowns or express real feelings. We have things to do, places to go and people to see. You don’t want to worry anyone  or bring down the mood so what do you do put on your outside mask. Many are taugt to “suck it up “, “buck up”, “perk or pep up” immediately or after a short while, whether you’ve processed your feelings or not. It’s like sweeping things under a rug, eventually you’ll have allergies, an asthmatic reaction or just sneeze from the buildup up   You cannot operate like nothing happened or is happening. Sometimes the feelings don’t have language because people don’t quite understand why they feel the way they do: they haven’t identified their triggers or been burdened with their own questions and yet to find tools that work.

Yes, even in this “woke” generation where there is an increase of mental health awareness. A great awakening, but many of us are sleepwalking. We’re up but not fully conscious of our surroundings. Certain religious groups, corporate America, and in certain cultures, you’re humiliated and shamed for having a moment. An ignominious disgrace. This is why so many suffer in silence. People endure pain alone because they will be deemed crazy, people won’t get it, will be viewed as weak, perceived as someone without strong faith, and the labels continue on. The stigma is very prominent, and in today’s cancel culture, the last thing anyone wants to do is expose how they truly feel.

The d word people abused during this generation .. depression. That’s a real sickness and not a mood but rather a mode. A song stuck on repeat. You don’t choose it that spirit  hints you. You may feel strong and fight it. Your bounce back is strong and you’re fine. There are times when some people just struggle more than others. Life has beaten on them so much that they lost the strength to fight. Their curse words are motivation, determination and grit. Seemed so far fetched, unattainable. Why is everything so hard for me one may ask? 

3 am questions about worth and purpose plague them. Oftentimes, people with the biggest purpose in the planet struggle with questions about their identity and value to the world. They have an innate desire to do something big but struggle to attain it.  These people aren’t weak they’re strong, fighting every day to see clearly in the midst of muddied circumstances and situations. People just want to end pain and complex trauma. Some have eating disorders, some use substances others self-mutilate, and then eventually grow weary of doing so. This death is a surrender to hopelessness. The feeling of nothing working, life gave you a “bad hand”. You’re not seeing it as the strong ones getting tested; it’s unfair and unbearable. 

People say “oh, just play some music and find things that bring you joy!”… but what happens when that doesn’t work? There’s being down and there’s depression. Trust me, there are levels to this. Depression is actually a health condition listed under disabilities as of late. It is a persistent feeling of unshakeable sadness. From my perspective, it is coupled with loss of optimism, loss of hope, loss of appetite (or gain), loss of interest. loss of energy, mood swings, and feelings of guilt. It can be medically induced by brain or hormonal imbalances, and so much more. This disease comes to strip you of yourself.

It’s so imperative that we treat others with kindness. Your one bad day may be someone’s last straw and a huge trigger. For those who may say “someone’s demeanor or happiness shouldn’t be my responsibility “. It isn’t oh, self-centered one. It’s not about you, but let’s practice the ancient art of empathy, shall we? Doesn’t hurt or cost you anything to be cordial. Some who claim that discernment and emotional awareness are their strength should definitely do better. How we treat people matters. We have no idea what they deal with, and no it isn’t your responsibility. We all have life stressors, we all have major decisions and life-altering experiences, but we don’t all recover from it. 

Let’s discuss an interesting word, support. LOL. Oh, silly rabbit, it looks different for everyone, and one cannot assume that we “showed up” for someone by your own definitions. When you love someone, you learn their love languages, not expect your perception of love and support to fit like a tailored suit. For those with a superhero complex. You can’t love someone out of depression. However, you can just be a good human. Support may be a simple call, short text, brunch, and the list goes on. Support is definitely not telling someone off, thinking rough love is going to work to someone depressed, trust me, they’re already hard on themselves. The people close to us can tell when things have shifted. Normalize having hard conversations and asking uncomfortable questions regarding your relationship and any shifts in behavior or demeanor but take it easy. 

Support is also not limiting someone’s experience. “By now you’ve should have gotten over that”. or my favorite “I went through that too but you don’t hear me still discussing it or being affected today?”  You cannot compare pain  that’s unwise. One can carry 200 lbs when others can’t barely make a move with 80 lbs. Resilience has to be built and just like the gym those tools come from a licensed professional. 

Support is not using cliches and generalized commentary expecting the person just to perk up. Support can be prayer, a pop-up, and more. I got a lot of quotes with scriptures as a child like “be anxious for nothing” We did NOT have discussions about why I was feeling that way.. I was dealing with a lot and my parents had no idea. My life was being threatened by gangs, people who threatened to rape me, and a few jealous females. I’ve always been strong, and peer pressure was often defeated. I was the quiet mighty one. Like the condiment “sweet heat”. I was loving and gentle but can pack a verbal or literal punch. I wasn’t going to take anything lying down. However, I was deemed rebellious for not being “super religious”. I was also dealing with abuse, neglect, feelings of abandonment, molestation, and now my safety was threatened at church and in school.

I am a “PK” or preachers/prophets kid living under a microscope with tremendous pressure to be an perfect example for my peers. I didn’t have anyone to confide in. I was over it. I was crying myself to sleep and nobody could carry the weight of my truth. My parents proved they didn’t have time to listen and didn’t take certain issues seriously. I didn’t know what else to do. and started starving myself In middle school. I remember going to my cousin’s bridal fitting as a bridesmaid. As my mother and I graced the streets of Kings Highway in Brooklyn; I was compelled to walk across the highway I saw a huge white Mack truck fast approaching, and thought this is it. Stand here, breathe in and let whatever happen, just happen. It will be fast, I was ready. 

Miraculously I ended up back on the pavement. Must have been an angel. My mother was frozen in shock and had a facial expression in couldn’t never forget. I stood there numb. She began walking in silence and I followed. I still don’t know how I was saved but I believe God intervened. We never addressed my public cry for help. Why did I share this? Depression isn’t just adults struggling it’s an 11 year old, a small child, a pre teen too. It’s imperative for parents to provide a safe space for their children to express themselves and to actively  listen. 

The rising numbers among children are tremendous. Life is different for this generation, so I admonish those of you who work with children also to be vigilant with learning your students and being supportive. My support system was my Teachers. For me, what saved me was Gods love. He was the help that pulled me from the edge. His unconditional love. If you don’t know him I admonish you to give Him a chance. Having a spiritual foundation and a good therapist to navigate life will help. Sometimes you just need language and some tools. Life will never be easy but there are forms of support to make it manageable. 

Song that comes to mind: “ I was here” by Beyoncé. I used to sing that, thinking I’m saying goodbye but God kept me here.  He used several people to interrupt my plans like my Aunty Sherry-Ann (shout out) got me in the nick of time when pills and alcohol became my besties. I had two sick parents, one passed, one was on the way. I couldn’t handle seeing the strongest people in my life in their weakest moments. My only sources of love and connection were leaving me, and I did not see the point in living. The phone lines that were constantly ringing were now silent; people no longer said hello because the real person they wanted to get to was no longer here. I was told to “get over it” a week after I buried my mother. I was deemed weak in my religious organization.

We can’t prevent suicidal ideation for those whose mind is already made up but I believe in mediation and mitigation. Encourage them to go to therapy, drive them to their appointment if you have to. God does send us angels. I later found strength in my faith and got past the darkest season of my life. To my aunt Sherry-Ann thank you for “believing me” and caring enough to show up when I didnt even want the help.

If you are experiencing suicidal thought a or feel like life isn’t working please try one more time. I beg you to call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Help is available. Please put down that object or substance. There’s another side to life we need you here to witness it. It won’t be like this always. 

Again the people with the GREATEST purpose endure the GREATEST life challenges but you can survive and overcome. You matter, YOU WILL make it! 

I’m recommending some resources:

Please call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 

For a Licensed Professional, please email: Info@keepsmilingtherapy.com

#GoGetYourSmileBack 

Check out my mental wellness journal “Cathartic Expressions” on Amazon https://a.co/d/3fleAYD

Dr. Earl O’Brien Jr., MHC, CLC, BCCC Volume 1 “The Crisis Compass” available on Barnes & Nobles https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-crisis-compass-earl-obrien/1148001099?ean=9798218756833 and also on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FJM15HN9/ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_cp_apin_dp_9JH35S895J37BJM649AA

Love Always,

A survivor!

“EMPOWER.ENCOURAGE, EQUIP”– Christine A. George