Chrissy Renee is an Author, Blogger, and overall Creative eager to impact the world at large. Her desire is to become a full-time Philanthropist and Author. Renee is passionate about inspiring and encouraging others.
One management style does not work for everyone on your team. Flexibility is applicable in leadership as well. We must consistently grow and develop just like we expect our team members to.
“Happy wife, happy life!” is an old adage that seems to be widely accepted but should be reevaluated. Initially, it was created with the connotation that if your partner is happy then ultimately, you will be too. That’s wise! However, when I think of this phrase; it paints a picture of this subservient, emasculated male ignoring his boundaries, autonomy, voice and opinion all for the sake of saving his marriage.
It’s safe to say that many believe that once a woman seemed to be pleased and has some form of control, then the marriage is successful. Although an antiquated belief that men are the head of the household, whatever happened to a partnership perspective? Pardon me, but nothing is truly successful unless there are mutual benefactors.
Healthy relationships are not the absence of opposition or conflict but rather measured by the strength to overcome as a unit. It’s okay to have diametrically opposed views. One does not need to become “small” or hide a perspective because it will upset another. Your partner should validate your feelings as well as respect your view. We are individuals, no human is exactly alike, and our life experiences, values and world views are not going to be identical either. It does not matter how compatible you are. At some point, you’re going to disagree.
We can no longer accept self-abandonment to replace relational intelligence. Everyone needs relational skills, but it should begin with yourself. Knowing your needs and acknowledging them is a healthy mental state. Being able to say “no” and self-advocate are necessary because all of our needs and voice matters. If you feel the need to silence yourself or just acquiesce to keep the peace, then there are some greater issues in that relationship to explore. This form of behavior can also be patronizing and harmful. The “whatever you say” attitude will build up like a volcano and eventually explode regardless of your patience and tolerance levels. There is no way an individual can live happily always having to digress. Don’t get me wrong, we must be wise in choosing our battles and be conscious of when to compromise. The ability to discern which road to take is for healthy people in healthy relationships. This is for the folks in the back with no voice, leadership, joy, peace or respect. Men need safety and care too. Women were not the only ones born with emotions and feelings. Men are often taught to be strong to become the epitome of a man, but that has created pain, facades and anguish.
If you feel the need to prioritize your partners feelings by forsaking yours as lifestyle then you must seek counseling. Get help because there is a lack of security on all fronts. It could be that your partner is not a safe space, or you never been in a safe place and have difficulty exploring this new freedom. You matter, your mental and emotional health matters. KNOW that the state of your relationship needs to be a safe and nurturing environment that makes health its sole priority. Be well, live well!
Just because you’ve kicked a ball (habit) really hard doesn’t mean it won’t be in the court of your life. The distance and journey of the ball is not significant as much as it being kicked over a fence or destroyed. Once intact, it will roll back into your life, especially if you’re in the same place.
Sometimes in life, we believe ourselves to be delivered from something when actually it went from in our hands to a few feet away. You may be elated that you “kicked a habit” with hard work and self- discipline but the truth is we can’t achieve anything on our own. Real discipline comes from hiding the word in your heart like treasure. The word of God has all the rules of the game inside. It keeps us in check and in line. Jesus will always be our referee, but we can’t presumptuously live; taking advantage of grace and mercy.
We need the holy spirit to truly uproot and eradicate things out of our lives so we can truly be free. To get us in motion to move forward so were not in the same place for that same ball to be kicked back to our courts. Having the right mentality will help with hat. 1 Corinthians 2:16 speaks about having the mind of Christ, His perspective for living to hold us accountable. Having like-minded people to hold us accountable is essential as well. Nobody can play a game alone; you need team players. Find you a good team and huddle up with truth as our game plan. Victory comes when we agree with Heaven and play for the same team, not against it.
So many are in search of a soulmate, their “person” and in love with love. However, there comes a time when you have to get your head out of the clouds and make strategic decisions that are far above your feelings.
Many arrive at that place in their relationship when things have intensified and are very serious. In the season that considers marriage and another level of commitment, there is a lot to consider. You’re going to make a vital decision that will shift the entire trajectory of your life. Understanding the severity of this single decision is key. It will affect every aspect of your daily life, success, and overall wellness.
If you are planning and considering a union, then it is safe to say that you are in love. Besides obvious feelings and emotions, there are many things to analyze, discuss, disclose, and explore. We often believe that we are loving with “our eyes open” but in actuality, love has overpowered your senses. Something could be right under your nose or in your face but for some reason, it is undetectable and overlooked. I ask the question…are you capable of recognizing red flags or are you color blind? Are you only listening to your heart?
Everything isn’t as it seems. Taking a step back typically helps you locate the item. Temporarily moving from an environment that is fragrant-filled will make you recognize the distinction when you return. A chance to observe outside the stage of euphoria. A chance to put aside all the wonderful things you love about your partner and get real. All of this is necessary to make level-headed decisions to ensure your life is enhanced and not destroyed. I am not saying to break up. Please understand that sometimes when many date they lose sight of all the things they were and fail to connect with others to add balance. Dr. Cortney Bradley speaks about “expiring your prior”. Whoever you were before you got into this relationship, maintain it. Don’t allow people to come into your life and take you away from people, places, activities, routines, and beliefs to turn you into someone they could love. Love is a risk you take with heart but should not be in the equation alone because what you love may not love you back or even benefit your life.
There is a reason why hindsight is considered 20/20. After some time, those high levels of dopamine and your chemical highs begin to settle, you begin to think more clearly. Some weigh their relationships by the metaphor of seeing the glass as half empty or half full. These major life decisions can’t be based on love alone. I challenge you to evaluate your partner in a similar manner. See them as a vessel that is either empty, fully overflowing, or broken. Half full or half empty is irrelevant because vessels can be easily refilled or emptied out.
Let’s delve deeper…
1. EMPTY: You cannot pour from an empty cup to give what you haven’t got. Some people are patient and are willing to take time to pour into their partner. They are hoping and believing that eventually, there will be substance to receive. This vessel can be special because it is full of potential for major capacity.
2. FULL: A full vessel can be exciting. It may seem like it’s packed with everything you desire. Full isn’t always a good thing. Someone can be full of themselves, issues from their past and so many unfavorable things. Evaluate their fullness and substance. Is this person full of love that will spill over? Is the fullness admirable characteristics or full of red and neon signs? What are you willing to accept? Ask questions such as “is there any room for personal growth?… and is there room for me?
3. BROKEN: The final category. BEWARE!! And be very careful. The optimistic lover and person with a hero complex will see the potential here. Being positive and believing in someone’s growth is beautiful, however most people like where they are or are stuck somewhere you cannot help them move out of. You will recognize some room and space for development. Many will remain and try to work things out saying, “No one is perfect!”. It’s justified love. Making excuses to cover them because, after all, they are not bad people just have some intense issues. When you are in love you are so eager to help, heal, and repair… newsflash! You cannot do it. You see some capacity but at some point, this person is incapable of holding on to what you give and unable to adequately pour back. There is a lack of flow, and you may be left dehydrated. The sharpness of the broken pieces is often fragments of deep trauma, pain, toxic traits, and unfavorable habits. These sharp edges can easily puncture what is authentic, tender, and vulnerable. It’s either you handle it with care or stand clear. A cut may appear to be simple, and you bandage it with forgiveness and much work. You may continue to bleed only to find out that although small, the cut is deeper than you initially accessed. Now you’re losing blood. Blood is a valuable source of life, oxygen, and nutrients. Bleeding is a depletion of energy and life that’s irreplaceable. You will recognize symptoms such as feeling emotionally fatigued, suffocation, or as if you are dying slowly (“Killing Me Softly”). It’s high time to reevaluate. This is now a wound and you may need assistance.
It’s imperative to know yourself and be strong as you stand knowing your worth is immeasurable. To know your standards and be self-aware. Did this vessel add to me or deplete me? It’s imperative to seek God via prayer and medication. Be bold enough to ask questions and courageous enough to accept his answers. God and therapy can help you heal and regain strength. Life is not over. Know that your heart is resilient, and you will bounce back. Sometimes, love isn’t enough, you need critical thinking not paranoia. You need to be analytical and honest by asking the right questions to gain clarity and a refined perspective. For resources in relation to love, communication, and analysis; check out my new book ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. ATC is a writing prompt to assist you with those hard questions, explore and discover, and gain clarity.
You can loose the weight, but not your insecurity. You can purchase a home but feel homeless or displaced, you can get a fancy degree from a prestigious university and still be unfulfilled and the list continues. Anything that truly changes starts within first, that we all know.
The forementioned may sound like the imposter syndrome or body dysmorphia but there could be more to it. We talk about how mental health went from being taboo to the trending topic of our time. It’s more than just trending, it’s essential.
Many of us deal with some form of psychological impairment that allows us to win yet loose , be unsatisfied, unable to live in the moment and so much more. I belive in the therapy and prayer combo. We trust God and he is the only one that truly delivers but He also set people in place to help us navigate certain things and have healthy conversations, ideas and though patterns in regards to our lives. Let’s not just achieve things and smash goals but prioritize our health.
No life is ever fulfilling worrying about the opinions , rules or limitation. Those restrictions held together by societal constructs , others’ perspectives, the standard being “perfect” (not human) , or doing things the “right way”.
There are many ways to add 10. People who wish to control, manipulate or use their own experience as a guide will always tell you 5+5=10. They will demonize you when you figure out its YOUR life and 4+4 , 1+9, 2+8, 3+7 etc adds up to the same result.
My point, we all have a journey but you’ll be miserable using someone else’s road map or formula. This is something you must navigateon your own. Mistakes are a part of life. They can be a hindrance if you allow it to or become stepping stones to growth, maturity and development.
They say, “trust who you train and train who you trust, I completely agree. Training the right people with preferable qualities will result in higher productivity and enhance performance. Staff are more confident, compliant and competent by increasing their knowledge and understanding. Training someone or a group of people insinuates a level of trust where your investing knowledge, expertise, time and exercising patience with a level of expectancy. You expect a return on your investment. You expect commitment, loyalty, growth and development.
If you are going to train your team, allow room for mistakes but enable them the freedom to fail forward. To turn things into teachable moments. Micromanagement of any kind will aggravate and increase anxiety. If they are properly trained and are well equipped and have adapted to their roles, then if they make wrong moves you can address it because at this point they should know better.
Training individuals you trust is tricky. You can pour into an individual and they either aren’t teachable or have a fixed mindset. That can feel like a tug of war on most days but its best to train anyway and enable them to be liable for the outcome. Sometimes we invest in the wrong people. We fail to recognize potential and good character in others and select sub-par participants. In life, things will happen and people will fail you. However. A good leader you must be able to pivot outcomes.
Person may have certain skill but require character development. Quick thinking and being a solutional leader are needed here. Everyone should be cross trained to enable gaps and voids to be filled. Sometimes, we humans tend to train people we will perform well in a certain area and neglect others whom we are oblivious to their potential. It’s imperative to be aware and observant. There is potential all around us. Maybe we trained someone in systems management or logistics and although the information is good to know, it’s just not their thing. Could it be they are better off in another department?
A person may fail to produce results. Maybe this person is misplaced and doesn’t need to be thrown away (fired or moved unbeknownst to them) but reassigned. Their strengths have yet to be tapped into. Could it be this person outgrew this role or the role outgrew them?… a major factor to consider.
Anyone who is unfulfilled, underestimated, under stimulated or unchallenged will seem lazy when they are actually frustrated. Your role as a leader is gauge and redirect that. Maybe your company or organization grew and the role is now bigger than their ability. You might need them to partner up, gain new skills or enhance previous ones. They could be overwhelmed and trying not to disappoint the team.
Most would argue that we can’t always build on strengths, while that is true. Its best to do basic trainings across the board and then have people developed within the area of expertise. We are not neglecting weaknesses. This is were professional development, coaching, “shadowing”, guidance and most of all encouragement is necessary. My mother used to say, “Encouragement sweetens labor”. Some folks will need that push just to keep them motivated and confident. Know that there are various learning styles, levels of understanding and everyone’s abilities are not infinite.
Many Leaders fail at training which is a failure to invest. Don’t allow nepotism or favoritism to take over. I call it the “”shiny new toy syndrome” Trust me, it can be subtle but will always be extremely noticeable. Sometimes, we are eager to train and engage the new that we push the old aside. This will ultimately lead to a decline in productivity, discord, disdain, anger, low morale, decrease in camaraderie and worst of all, division. A leader’s goal should be securing everyone in their place to build a strong team.
New people need to be introduced and integrated without causing a disruption within team dynamic. Leadership is responsible for establishing a culture and managing the environment. If you allow your team members to get lost into the background. When team new team members join, sometimes staff needs to recalibrate. While others may welcome with open arms, others may feel replaced, overshadowed or lose sight of their significance especially if someone new has the same expertise. Stages of a team may need to be revisited here. There are five stages of a teams’ development cycles such as:
Forming – Excitement, questions, expectations and trust building.
Storming – conflict, adaptation, frustration, a shift.
Performing – progress, team effectiveness, high competence
Termination – strong conflict or needs change.
Having great knowledge about where your company is and going is critical. Strong conflict management and attention to behaviors are skills a Leader should always possess. The next step is access what type of individuals are needed in each area. Be prepared to develop, train and see where changes need to be implemented. Consider boosting morale in a shifting culture. Its imperative to have on going personal and professional development. Organizations who balance the two have higher productivity, retention and content team members.
Here are some benefits to training your team:
Overall Retention
Strengthens Skills
Increases Understanding / Clarity
Refreshes Current Staff
Provides updates on protocols and methodologies
Increase Engagement
Develop Future Leaders
Builds Relationships
Hope this blog helps you as a leader to develop a healthy work environment and healthy team, all the best!
The slightest changes in ministry are always important, never insignificant. Ministry is more than titles, holding a microphone, or even religious traditions. Many have treated ministry like a Broadway show that’s Christ themed. True ministry (like Jesus) has to do with the business of people.
The business of people is a heavy and weighty responsibility. Lives are literally in your hand. Many make life adjustments based on teachings and use the foundation of what is received to structure every aspect of life. Most importantly, your ministry provides the blueprint for personal and spiritual growth. It’s more than your spiritual walk but affects you across the board. So, when changes are being made, it affects one’s entire existence.
There are times when a ministry or organization undergoes massive change. Change requires adjustment, realignment, and flexibility. Everyone from leadership down needs to recalibrate their steps and choices. Big changes like when your Leader goes from the Pastor to your Bishop. He/She has been elevated and requires much on the leadership team and congregation.
One may think that has nothing to do with my life. When your leader becomes a Bishop, they have a greater influence not just in your community but across the globe. It represents immense trust and most of all influence. They have just “leveled up” and no it’s not just all on their shoulders.
Let’s start with leadership. All team members must do their part to respect, protect and support the one who is in the forefront. Things are more public, and the goal should be to protect the integrity of your Leader and their vision. A greater sense of accountability has to be present here. Leadership is responsible for assisting with changes, decisions and everything that will trickle down to the congregation and community. A leader may not always make decisions and moves you like nor will their views and perspective always directly align with yours. However, you must respect it and roll in the directions of the instructions. We honor Presidents, CEO’s and people in power even when there are diametrically opposed views. Therefore, the person who prays for you and is there for you in every aspect of your life should be respected even more. My mother always reminded me of a popular scripture, 1 Timothy 5:17 KJV “Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine.”
She always reiterated that the man or woman of God was worthy of double respect. If you disagree check your Bible. Balance and power are represented. We render unto Caesar what do to him. Laws, leaders, and guidelines have been a part of society from the beginning of time. Think of your leader as a King or Queen. Your job is to serve and also to attend to the people. You not there to be manipulated, used, or abused but it’s a partnership not to be taken lightly. Know your place and know it well. You are not on the same level. Suggestions can be made for accountability and the sake of wise counsel, but your opinion is not always needed or wanted. Let leaders lead.
In chess, Bishops are a great asset to have on your team, but if you’re the one who has them on your team, then make sure you’re well-prepared to defend your board from enemies. Bishops in chess are a crucial resource for attack and defense. If used correctly, bishops can be extremely useful for helping you win the game. The Bishops Position Is between the King/Queen and Knight. Naturally, your leader is between world dignitaries and those who guard him/her. Spiritually, he/she is between God the King and those who fight alongside them as armor bearers and intercessors.
For the congregation, a certain level of grace should be applied. A Bishop may have greater decisions, appearances, and choices to make now. They may not cater to your every need. They bury your dead, dedicate your babies, and rally with your family when an issue arises but on top of catering to you, they may be asked to respond to a political or social issue addressing the world or even worse, appropriately respond to the effects of a global pandemic. Talk about responsibility. I would advise members to get off your leaders’ backs and just pray them through. Pray that God grants them the wisdom and knowledge to lead well, to hear His voice clearly, and that they follow divine instructions. In the end, it’s for our benefit. As he/she has been elevated we must elevate our level of not just respect and honor but obedience, cooperation, participation and support on all levels.
To honor someone requires a great increase in your character. Being trustworthy, loyal, and integral are key elements to the survival and success of your ministry. If you were already honoring and respecting your leader, kudos to you, and continue to do so but if you have not (and you know it) repent and get your act together. You will have to answer to God for your treatment of those whom he placed in authority over you. Their success is yours. Think of it in relation to chess
Seek out open diagonals: A bishop’s potential is maximized by placing it on an open, long diagonal—that is, a position in which the bishop’s potential path is not obstructed by friendly pawns or an opponent’s pieces.
Maximize active bishops: Bishops that are able to move freely outside of its pawn chain are known as active bishops, whereas a bishop that is trapped behind its pawn chain is considered a passive bishop. Both “good” and “bad” bishops can be active or passive. An active bishop is usually a more powerful piece due to its flexibility and range.
Good bishops vs. bad bishops: Bishops are referred to as “good” and “bad” based on their position relative to their pawns. If the majority of your pawns are on the same color square as your bishop, that bishop is typically regarded as a “bad bishop” because its movement and influence is restricted by the pawns. Conversely, a bishop that occupies the opposite color as the majority of your pawns is considered a “good bishop” as it is able to move freely and exert more influence over the chessboard. Though a good bishop is generally considered to be more advantageous, a bad bishop can often be useful in defending a pawn.
Utilize bishops in the endgame: Bishops can be particularly effective in the endgame, especially when the only other pieces remaining in the game are pawns. The bishop’s long range allows it to both protect your pawns and threaten your opponent’s pawns, making it easier to promote the pawns you have left and eventually deliver checkmate.
I don’t know about you but that sounds like a responsibility to me. Praying, assisting, and cooperation a part of that responsible package. Learning how to address and assist your Bishop is a job. Maximizing your Bishop is not trying to monopolize their time or seek attention. Don’t try to “trap” them. They Are supposed to be out in the open and deal with people being active in the community. Your Bishop is considered good based on their influence. Just like a parent, they must stand out and be the difference they want to see as an example. They can’t be on your level. They need to exercise their authority and often defend us. The end goal is Heaven. To live a life that’s pleasing to God. They protect us from living contrary lives by promoting what the word says and giving instructions that is unadulterated and straight from God. They stand as a direct defense and come against everything contrary to your growth, health, and development in Christ. They are a direct threat to our enemy. Bishops help promote the overall well-being of everyone in the game. Do your part to ensure his/her success because it’s the only way you as a community and a group will win. God is the one with His hand in the game guiding it all but we do have a part to play, lets’ play wisely and pray for wisdom to proceed with every strategic move we make as a collective.
Reference
Masterclass. 2001. Derived from The Bishop In Chess: What the Bishop Is and How to Move Your Bishop on the Chessboard – 2023 – MasterClass.
Deflection, a coping mechanism for many. A way for humans to redirect focus and attention of something unfavorable from themselves unto another. Typically associated with defense mechanism.
I was thinking today. Don’t we sometimes use these methods with our Father? When faced with ourselves. Aren’t we quick to have the Adam syndrome… It was the woman, friend, boss etc. you gave me. We rarely take accountability unbeknownst to us because we can’t see ourselves. That’s why we have the Holy Spirit to being things to us previously unaware.
Sometimes when were defensive it’s because its cousin offense is present. Your uncomfortable with this feeling or emotion so we quickly try to shake it off. We ignore the very person shedding light on us to help us. Sometimes living and adjustment to darkness will always make light disturbing. We treat people like this, but we treat God like he as I’d he were “people”. We got issues and an attitude so we gonna ignore him. We’re not mature emotionally or spiritually to let him address. It requires vulnerability and were not ready (Kevin Hart voice).
Realizing today, categories are important and vital to our Relational intelligence with folks and most importantly to God. I repent for ignoring God. How dumb when the answer is He! Issues, no problem for him. We trust God for stuff, breakthrough, miracles etc. but can’t trust Him with our hearts and emotions. We gotta change that! We need to rid deflect when we recollect. To consider the goodness of God and how He has been with you and carried you. A memory of his faithfulness will keep you from ignoring Him but being humble and vulnerable with a great level of trust.
Let them be confused about who you are now! (Divine Misunderstanding)
– DR. courtney m. bradley
When you look at the transgender community, you’ll see a people who are fully persuaded about their lifestyle. They are passionate about transformation and “becoming”. Similar to Michelle Obamas book, there’s a whole process to endure as you evolve into what is new and who you were intended to be.
It’s high time that the body of Christ adapts that mentality as well be tenacious about our walk. So what if people are stuck on who you used to be? Let them be confused about who you are now. Be bold about your stance and choice in Christ. Endure the process, go to great lengths and be excited about your original self being introduced to you. Be transformed unapologetically!
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