In all of my years, I have yet to witness a Latino greet another by saying “what’s up Spick?” or Caribbean Indian calling each other “Coolie” or white people going “what up Cracker?” and the list goes on. However, I am always perturbed by the loose use of the word “Nigga” in my culture and society.

Many say that it’s used as a term of endearment now times have changed. The term “my nigga” is for someone your close to or highly respect. The “N” word is also used for societal greetings used amongst all races. Well that’s just my point. Everyone is comfortable using the “N” work to refer or greet any race and it is the new norm. How did we let that happen?

 If the other races won’t use vulgar terms to refer to each other (due to its original associations) then why did we make it okay? Many would argue that we took back its power when we were able to use it ourselves. My question would be then if other races call each other nigga” its cute its them trying to be like us some form of cultural appropriation but yet if they use it ON us why have a problem? It should be alright, then right?

We speak about being “woke” but were still half asleep to the fact that slavery has left lasting impressions and imprints on our lives. It was okay to degrade each other then to be the “cool one on the plantation” but we degrade ourselves now to be cool with each other. To me, its not paying homage to the fact that we have overcome. Its ignorance at its finest, a psychological acceptance to a new connotation. That word has a root and although the land looks bare ‘cause the trees are gone doesn’t mean the roots are non-existent. What are we saying about and to our roots? We all ahve a right to free speech but are there no boundaries? Someone please help me understand.

I don’t want to continue talking about living Covid positive. I am over it too like most are. I definitely want to focus my efforts elswhere and plan for tomorrow.

I wanted to share a bit of my journey with you all to discuss how real this is. You hear about it being worse than any flu and that is true. There is no real words to explain it but I am so grateful everyday I open my eyes and realize God spared me once again.

I came to the this amazing Hospital (who will not be mentioned) due to their superior service. I had no idea that things will take a dramatic change. Its sad but NYC was never really prepared for an outbreak and I hope that in the near future we plan ahead. Upon arrival, I was greeted by Health Care officials to question if I was really sick. I sat in the waiting room with a temperature for hours. Finally, it happened another Asthmatic exaspiration.They require a mask but I can’t breathe, how does this work? Now I am gasping for air and the Staff cannot help me. Giving me treatments required me to be isolated because Nebulizers intensify whats in the atmsophere. Because they couldnt get me isolated in time, I almost passed out. I was hanging off of a chair holding my chest while others with great concerned looked on in pity. The medical team was afraid and working eagerly to find me a room.

After some time, they were able to provide treatments in a private room. I spent hours in there just crying because I knew how close I was to death. I eventually was admitted and got a really nice suite upstiars. My room was incredible and felt like a hotel. Service on the other hand was unfavorable until it wasn’t. Needing asssitance to get out of bed to get to the restroom was a trail. I would ring for a nurse and wait up to two hours before someone came. Its not thier fault, they were understaffed and overworked. I spent most of my days crying out to God and asking him for mercy. He is the breathe that I breathe. I realized how serious this was once fevers set in. I would sweat until all linings required chanigng and sit in my cold gown for hours. I would call for help but when they responded through the intercom and realize they dont understand me they just dely response to the request. I was dehydrated oftentimes but scared to drink the liquids. What would happen to me if I need to go to the bathroom? Going to the restroom now was a nightmare. I then required oxygen just to get from piont A to B.

Coughing hurt my chest. Its the feeling that you get when you have had the stomach virus and just the mere action in your stomach muscles moving are so painful. Coughing fits became the new norm where I couldnt stop to catch my breath during this time my bowels made decisions on thier own. I would never forget the feeling of coughing and just ending up in pool of my own urine(or whatever else) in seconds. Never thought I would need help to walk, talk, bathe or do basic things. We take so much for granted. Walking around dizzy and shortness of breathe is so dangerous and I was put on watch.

When my status was confirmed, I got the boot. The nice hotel stay was over. I got shifted to creepy budiling where I thought of the movie “Hostel”. This entire space was dedicated to COVID patients and is so depressing. Isolated, no family, put in a place where most dont expect you to make it is enough to have someone be depressed or just give up. Being here, I realized most of the battle was in your mind.

I was one of the first on this floor so it was weird but eventually beds began filling up. Watching some of my roomates also fight for thier lives was a bit traumatic. I started praying with the little breathe I had. Being Asthmatic intensifies everything. They clean everything they touch before and after with Lysol wipes. America never been so clean before. Crazy thing is peple with Asthma should not be exposed to strong cleaning products. Its damned if you do and dont. They gotta use these products for protocol sake. Everytime someone cleaned,I swear I was dying. There have been a few times I felt myself slipping but I know a host of Angels were present. Prayers were keeping me afloat and I was in Gods arms. I dont take any day for granted. I have always been grateful for life but I appreciate it with a brand new perspective.

Why did I share this? If your not praying for people or the Staff who is consistenly exposed to people like us your doing the world an injustice. Trust me, we joke all the time about this but this is not an average flu or virus. This thing will have you seeing your past relatives thinking your time is up. Seriously, please check in on your family members, friends, leaders etc. This is the time for us to band together and remain united. We will stand after this. The world singing “Hes Got the Whole World” is cute but we need national and global prayer.

2 Chronicles 7:14 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁴ If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

• Scripture derived from BibleGateway.com

In life, we focus on all the things that don’t matter until the things that matter are the matter.

I have been so focused on chasing dreams, accomplishing goals and taking care of business. We have all heard several personal and generic cliches. I was determined not to make it a year full of words with no action. My personal motto (Accelerate.Acheive. Accomplish) were not going to haunt me going into 2021. I am determined to endure and see fruition of my dreams.

While pursing, I strategized a plan to map out a road to getting there. With some research and time I can figure out exactly what I wanted to do and how. It was not just all business but personal too. I made several lifestyle changes to help better manage my weight, time and mental space. I even planned some “me time” by securing two trips. . One local and the other international travel. Truly, I would begin to enjoy my life whether by leap, bound, hop, skip or mini step. I learned that the secret is celebrating the small victories on your way to your goal. I even hosted a Vision Board Worshop highlighting pointers I used to get me out of my rut. Things seems to be going well. I am finally checking things off of my list and then it happened…. life happened.

At the beginging of the year, the Arts didnt seem so appealing to me, although I made some changes something was up with my energy levels. I pushed past it and participated slightly anway. People who knew me automatically thought something was up. “If your not dancing or singing then we need to talk” said of my close friends. I couldnt pin point it. I went to my doctor took things to get my energy up. I pushed passed and ignored the matter. Coming into January 2020, while my dance team spun in golden glory with smiles on thier faces, I sat in support. I didnt realize it then but this was going to be an interesting year. I had the flu, I got over it and I said I will join the next. Going to the studio with my ministries Praise team was a challenge. I noticed that my breathing was compromised and I didnt know why. Once again, Something isnt right, I took off work and went back to the Doctor. As usual, they blamed everything on my weight and just dismissed everything else. I have always been plus sized but it never stopped me from being a Cheerleader, dancer or from anything I wanted to do before. Finally, antagonized my Physicians and they ruled everything out as to Asthmatic complications.

Fast forwarding, I got laid off and then begun seeking new employment. During this time I did take public transportation but was precautions with recent news of the Corona virus. New Yorkers, were so paranoid as well as prejudice. Many avoided Asian poeple, business and more. I thought about the ignorance and said “This is a metropolitan city, its a melting pot of culture, we have international commerce and trade there is no way to avoid contact interntionally and locally.”

Eventually,I got sick and thought it was a common flu and took time to self medicate. My common cold lead to extreme Asthmatic exaspirations and for the first time, I was admitted into the Hospital. My experience here will follow in a another blog but boy has it been a ride. I was discharged and told its a common cold just manage my Asthma. Five days later, I felt as though someone was trying to stiffle me in my sleep. Its the scariest thing being unable to breathe suddenly. Gasping for air seconds at a time and fighting to remain. I didnt know that this would become the next few weeks of my life. Keep in mind, I had recovered from the flu twice already at this point.

I choose to return to the hsopital. This time in the height of the Carona Virus outbreak. I was greeted outside the doors by a Medical team asking me if I were sick?. This was the only way inside. If I wanted to get checked out I needed to speak up and fast. I breifly explained the night fevers, body aches and inability to breathe. I was asked to enter and this is when my reality shifted.

After going through the entire process of one screen, test and lab at a time. Eventually, I was greeted by my Doctor who just ripped the bandaid off by saying “You tested positive for COVID!” as she stood in front of me in full gear. I had to ask her to repeat the diagnoisis. I felt as though my entire world crashed. All of a sudden the “Carona or Rona” memes and jokes arent so funny. Its me fighting for my life, absolutely nothing fun about that. I knew I needed to shift into fighter and survivor mode. Tears in my eyes, pleading with God and holding on with prayer and a song of worship in my heart. I knew that all the things I was once focused on no longer mattered as much. My priority listing has just been radically shifted. Everything was on hold now including the entire country. I noticed a shift in body language with Medical Staff who arent as professional and got bombared with questions like “So how did you get it”… Silly rabbit its NYC you dont have travel outside the U.S to be in contact with interntional people and products. I knew then that I will be labeled and viewed a certain way. I deceided to write and tell my own truth. I barely traveled outside my own home before I got sick. I went from common cold to COVID19 positive. So many thoughts ran through my head. Social distancing will take on new meaning when I have to return to society. I know that in two weeks I will be much better. I know that this things isnt “taking me out” but its scary just knowing you have something that IS KILLING people all of the world. It is scary not knowing what your recovery process would be like and how it would impact your life.

Thankfully, I know God. I know Him as a healer, He doesnt do recovery but healing. My two infected lungs give Him praise now. Some day I will be doing a following up about my miracle. The whole case and point of the blog is to encourage someone. Although some things are deemed impossible in your life, with God they can and will change. I trust Him with my life. He was excited about me before I came, fought off death from conception and kept fighting for me all these years. He holds my world in His hands and He won;t let go. I wake up each day with thanksgiving and gratitude. If I didnt have a push to pursue everything He invested in me, I have it now. I don’t have time to waste and I have too much to do. My dreams and goals have more purpose and passion. I just want to encourage everyone. As you persue your life goals, have a “who” in mind. Are these selfish ambitions or do you want to impact lives? I have always wanted to impact lives but wasnt sure if my story was strong enough to compell others. Whoever you are, if God gave it to you it isnt for shelving, use it apply it and work it. Your story is significant, choose to fight for what you beleive in and thats all thats needed to make a difference. PLEASE, I urge you to use this isolation time wisely. Books can be wrtten, research done, reconnect with family you never had time for via Facetime, the next witty invention can be created or whatever you were too occupied to tackle, DO IT NOW!!!

Take care of yourself, each other and let NOTHING STOP YOU. Remember vallies exist between two mountains you just gotta get back up again!

Know that the tracks you leave in the snow its a path for someone else to walk in. The problem is our decisions. You have chosen to do in a particular direction and what we often forget is that we leave trails. What exactly are we leaving behind for the person who looks up to us or follows our every move?

Larger files take a bit longer to send and download. Just think about it. Whatever is loading from the clouds for you seems long but be patient. Endure with expectancy because the God we serve blows minds. What your about to receive will not be encrypted, will be virus free and will need a lot of space. Get ready to receive!!!

All people who claim to be Christians are not true Believers even if they are wearing a robe. This is why God encourages us to get to know him for ourselves.

Many people today have a disdain for Christians. The faith has been exploited from trusted Leaders and even Politicians. Unfortunately, there are bad apples hiding behind the leaves of a belief system for deceptive purposes. I am here to tell you that not all Christians are bad.

The Christian faith is unlike others, it is very open and accepting to all. It’s easy for one to claim being a Christian and not truly believe in Christ or his principles. Many use Christ to create a façade for their reputation or life choices. I have family members who would not step foot in a church but is quick to tell you that they are Christians. There is a difference between a Believer of Christ and a church goer “aka” Christian. One believes in the principles and examples that Jesus set as precedents and uses it to have a better life and perspective on life. This is supposed also affect one major aspect of our lives, our interpersonal relationships.

Jesus was all about personal relationships and making sure to leave a positive impact or significantly enhance the life of another. The characteristics of Christ are also known as fruit. If you look at it this way, all of us in humanity are trees. We all have roots and were all seeds of someone else before us. However, what we produce as fruit can vary in quality and taste. Your mother can be sweet but through life circumstances and a failed mindset to shift past the past you can live bitter and stuck. The people who encounter you are getting a bitter taste in their mouth. They grow to have a disdain for you and now generalize every other tree that looks similar. That’s what the world does, JUDGE. We have Master degrees in judgement. We make assumptions and are so quick to accept the meat of another’s opinion without proper investigation. Our ears are as big as our mouths and we have a large appetite for gossip.

All people who claim to be Christians are not true Believers even if they are wearing a robe. This is why God encourages us to get to know him for ourselves. We can’t take someone else’s word for it. A real Preacher would guide you but also encourage you to delve into the word yourself. You may think well if I can read and teach myself then I do not need to attend a ministry. That’s another blog topic all by itself but guidance is always necessary. Just because you purchase the textbook it doesn’t make you an expert you still must take the class.

Study to show thyself approach is what the Bible says in 2 Timothy 2:15. I implore you to do so. Also I would encourage you to try Christ and his Ambassadors again. Not all of his Children have spoiled fruit. Many of us are authentic individuals seeking truth, a better or enhanced life, enlighten and much more. Many of us are focused on sharing the good news. Many love the gospel over gossip and won’t judge you. A real believer would know that Judgement is only in the hands of God. We are here to love and embrace humanity and make a difference. We’re not the same, please don’t put us all into the same category.