They say that “experience is the best teacher”, that’s speculative but I agree in some sense. In life, sometimes you gotta lose enough times to build a strategy from the ground up, gain insight, or see things from a different perspective. These are the defining moments in our lives where we get “gritty” and hungry enough to get the mindset to succeed. We gain strength, a backbone, agility, and tenacity to win. Losing isn’t fun but it’s a part of life. Now one we should embrace and get comfortable with but know it’s a temporary place of disappointment and use it as a stepping stone for forwarding movement and learning. Dr. Courtney M. Bradley says “you can have a situation but the situation doesn’t have to have you!”.
Losing teaches you about what you have within you. Nothing is more revelatory than the times of distress or trouble when we discover who we are and what we possess within. I encourage you not to give up. Oftentimes, our eyes (vision) can get adjusted to the darkness that sudden light will shock and be hurtful. However, if you keep some light on (hope) you will be able to handle the light in its fullness and adjust smoother. You must remain hopeful and remain prepared for when that light opportunity comes bursting through. Sometimes we lose so much that when a win happens, we don’t know how to recognize, receive or rejoice in it. It’s like that now but it would not always be like this forever. Try again, dry your eyes again, stand again, create again, believe again, and dream again but bigger. SUCCESS IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF DISAPPOINTMENT!. YOU CANNOT GIVE UP NOW, YOU MUST SEE AND WITNESS THE SUN-RISE AT THE HORIZON.
Heraclitus once said, “the only thing constant is change”. I concur, change is a shift, a minute or drastic modification is an inevitable part of life. As the world turns on its axis, new generations shift cultures and the natural progression of life exists; it’s the same for personal growth.
Personal growth requires a growth mindset. The mentality that has no limitations. This type of person has a genuine love for learning, exhibits grit, sees problems as a challenge, and believes that abilities are not fixed. You can enhance anything and learn new skills. Oftentimes people say the desire to change something that’s unfavorable but doesn’t have the right tools to make it happen. Change must be desired before it can be encouraged. An individual must have a strong conviction to alter some things whether internal or external. A true passion for growth and a need for development.
Don’t be afraid to evolve, its natural! – Chrissy Renee
The only way to grow is to change. If you don’t believe me, research life cycles. For instance, look at the butterfly or the developmental changes of a baby. We must understand that when we finally decided to be intentional about our lifestyle and its results, we must make some amendments. Adjustments first require.
Made up mind
Plan of action
Daily routine
Accountability partners
Benchmarks
Rewards
Continuum of what is successful.
Once you have made up your mind and have made a cognitive shift, take the time to create a solid plan. We only fail because we fail in preparation. Design your course of action and have a bounce-back plan, not a backup plan. To create a backup plan, it’s subconsciously giving yourself an excuse to renege on your goal. Create a daily schedule to help you stay on track. Once you practice something day eventually it will become a habit. Once a habit is formed you can then develop a lifestyle that is your new nature.
Some things we cannot change on our own. This is a great time to locate some key partners for accountability. People that are firm, motivating, and encouraging to push you towards your desired destination. Within that journey you may get tired, question why you’re doing something, and attempt to give up. These individuals will help you realign your mentality on your journey.
Speaking of journeys, look at roads, highways, and bridges. There are significant markings on the path as you travel. There are signs and indications and instructions. Everything is purposed to keep you on target, within the right speed, safe, and provide directions. Along our journey to self-improvement and change, we need to set benchmarks. Make it clear, by this time, I would like to do “x” and highlight what tools, funds, people, deadlines, and important details to keep you on time and track.
When you get to a benchmark or have achieved something, please do yourself and favor and celebrate. Celebrate YOU, acknowledge your accomplishment, honor small victories, and take a moment to look at how far you have come. Don’t wait until you made a giant leap, keep yourself motivated by being proud of even the smallest steps. Reward yourself with a small gift, do something you’ve always wanted to do, or whatever reward is defined in your eyes.
When you have done a great job (mishaps and all) the only thing to do is to repeat the process. Work what is working. When you find it feasible do it on a broader scale. Let nothing stop you from achieving your dreams. Dreams can feel like a nightmare when they torment your mind unattained. I implore you to pursue passionately and don’t get distracted by negativity, failure, or lack of support. Whatever you put your mind to do, you can do it. That may sound like a cliché but why consider or dream at all if you don’t plan to make it a reality? If you’re reading this, just know someone is rooting for you, enjoy the journey!
First impressions are not always accurate. We make assumptions about people all the time. Sometimes pre-exposed to information about them through another voice or lens that colors our perspective.
Some things will always look gray when it is white because you were conditioned to believe that. Mental associations are real and vivid. They often trigger memories of past experiences. One small detail that’s unfavorable can take you down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, we just pull people apart in our minds… humans! We are quite interesting. We create mental images from someone’s speech, attire, demeanor, or vibe. Don’t get me wrong, there will be many times our intuition is correct, but we don’t like to admit the fact that there are many times that we are wrong. I am a firm believer in getting to know someone for myself. To get to root before a conclusion about their leaves and fruit.
Have we ever stopped to think that maybe something was wrong at that moment or someone has changed? Life can truly humble a person and its lessons are often transformative. I met a young man at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Due to seating, we were placed next to each other. This gentleman seemed to be my type. He was well dressed and articulate which is a sure way to catch my attention. He talked about several of his personal and professional accomplishments but never truly seemed interested in my life. This monologue went on for some time. Ten minutes in and I was already turned off and the birthday boy was nowhere in sight. Eventually, I roamed the room (mostly to show off my amazing outfit) to greet others and get as far away from my table as I possibly can. Eventually, when I made it back, he was silent and so was I. I made it my duty to be polite but not to engage. Luckily, another woman caught his eyes. Years passed and we crossed paths again. I pushed him away while he pursued my attention. He was gentle, he asked questions and listened. I got to know him, and he explained why he was arrogant and self-centered. His culture and background taught him to be a certain way coming from a prestigious lineage. He had to develop certain skills and life did humble him. This gentleman eventually became a great friend. Imagine is my first impression was so ingrained that I never took the time to listen and learn?
How many of us do this with our own lives? The impressions of ourselves that we obtained from our environmental encounters still very prominent. Those initial stages are often hard to let go. Impressionable ages where development was still in progress and events of misfortune, trauma and unfortunate circumstances that molded and shaped our thinking. It is the ingrained way we perceive the world and people we encounter slightly fragmented perspectives. All the “you’ll never amount to anything’s” and the list goes on from childhood and adolescence that lingers. The mental battle ground and inner dialogue that is often conflicting. Life sometimes is unkind and it’s our resilience, faith and determination that has given us strength to continue. We often burry a lot of unwanted memories and mental pictures. However, my questions still stands. Did you give yourself another chance? You have learned and overcame but are you still haunted by invisible labels and tattoos? Many of us walk around with low self-esteem, self-fulfilling prophecies and with the imposter syndrome. Let’s talk about it.
A self-fulling prophecy is when we allow the negative expectations of others infiltrate our heart and we eventually believe it and act them out. Someone says, “you will be just like your father and do this” and you believe it to be true and fall right into the same trap. You could have been the change but everything around you pointed to the same road so you followed it. Create your own path? How? So, we do what is least challenging because it comfortable.
The imposter syndrome is quite interesting. Its feelings of inadequacy despite success and achievement. It is self-doubt that speaks louder than the reality of what you have attained or accomplished. Where did this voice come from? What happened? The root is something to address. These mentalities will turn your internal labels into tattoos if you let it. It often requires some form of intervention, therapy, or self-realization. I implore you to speak positively to yourself. The impression of you introduced to you is NOT you. Give yourself another chance. Every day you have life is another day to make a change. No its not an overnight process but one that requires practice. Practice affirmations and declarations in the mirror. Recite them until you believe them. It’s a hard reboot that’s necessary. That same energy we give to others when we develop an we allow to evolve or change, give to yourself. I’m here to say give yourself a break, applaud your efforts and be reintroduced to the new you. The overcomes, winner, the determined and resilient you. We all have a story but the fact your still standing says a lot.
No one is perfect but develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset is embracing of facts but with courage and determination to make a change with some effort. Approaching what was once a challenge for you with fresh eyes and believing that favorable results will be your new norm and outcome. Do away with the fixed mindset. Your failures, shortcomings and struggles or past is not innate. Even if you mirror a loved one. You can’t keep telling yourself that you are like them. You can and will be better. Your roots are a part of your story. Roots are dark but leaves and the fruit of who you are is vibrant, tasty and beautiful. You have the opportunity to become photosynthesized by the shift of your mindset and live life in color. You’re the flower of your generation. Be great and BLOOM!
In the words of Jay-Z, “allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is ——”. You fill in the blank with positive adjectives.
Signature Thoughts 