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Captured By Crumbs

“Breadcrumbing” is containment. We do that to animals. To lure them and keep them captive. We leave a trail of desirables because we know it’s all they’ll focus on as we eagerly plan and plot entrapment. While some animals are cunning enough to evade a trap and still get their delight, not many have that level of understanding.

It’s the same for humans. We leave a trail of niceties disguised as good intentions and acts of service. We are so comfortable being crafty and slick to hide one into a particular direction. Giving the impression of provision and care. Their humble gratitude coupled with naive minds and hearts enables them to be your prey and some of us like it. Many confuse your actions as initiative or even a chase never realizing they won’t ever be chosen. Instead, they’ll be captured. Captured hearts and minds. Accepting the bare minimum and with intense hunger for more. Each crumb is placed with addictive honey   Your words sweet to an untrained ear. Invigorating to an open heart that lacks discernment. 

Manipulation on full display. No intention to commit just an evil tactic to go fishing for vulnerable hearts. At some point, some may wake up and realize what they crave doesn’t match what they have been given. Those who understand their worth will leave quickly while others may fall victim for a while before discovering their value. Nothing under the sun is truly hidden. All evil and dark things come to light eventually. Many realized they “fumbled” a good one and have unsuccessful attempts to repair it. 

Not everyone who specializes in “breadcrumming” is evil and begins with a motive to deceive. Many are just indecisive and crippled by fear or trauma that prohibits one for being present, venerable, honest and “all in”.  In Proverbs 4:23 it encourages one to guard their heart. To guard is an intentional act of protection. To guard means to protect someone or something from harm, danger, or attack. To restrain, make wise decisions, be discerning, establish healthy boundaries and set standards you are persuaded with and stand on it.

Your core values, standards and self-love will act as a pedestal for you to stand on. You can see clearly with an elevated perspective. Shift your posture, shift your view. Charged view will shift your mindset. A transformed mindset will affect your actions and interactions. What we allow is a direct reflection of how we see. 

Those who love deeply and passionate don’t settle at the surface, when you deserve sustainable and secure love. Don’t betray yourself but rather portray self-love and keep your eyes open. Your discernment and entire being knows when you not getting what you deserve. Please don’t put all your eggs in one basket, when a lot of these baskets have holes and barely have handles. Get a grip on what your worth and be okay with walking away unapologetically.  When you don’t grip and take control of your own life, we allow others to mishandle us. Don’t war rose colored glasses due to chemistry but rather pay attention to how they care.

Expecting reciprocity is not asking for too much that is the bare minimum. A relationship or friendship requires parties to be loyal and with an exchange. If you notice you give more than you receive, it’s time to revisit the dynamic and foundation. Not everyone is able to give back in the way that you can, but intentionality is shown and expressed when truly interested. My spiritual father Courtney Bradley says, ” You may not have $100 to give to someone but you can give love in 100 ways”. YOU deserve to be loved in a myriad of ways, don’t settle. Why settle for breadcrumbs when you worthy of the whole meal? Think about it, the people we select to being our lives reflect how we feel about ourselves. Are your connections nourishing you or causing you to be malnourished?

Many were fooled and lured like that animal we talked about. Please give yourself grace if you felt for a plot when this person was once making plans with you. Now that you know better, you can recognize the events and act early. For those currently captured, know that it’s not a permanent place. Whether it’s an avoidant, narcissist, or a toxic relationship. This is not the end of your story. Leave, find help and most importantly heal. Self-love will be that soup for the soul after you endured a famine.

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All Dead Things Have an Odor: The effect, infect and affect.

Anything that is dead has a strong and very distinct smell due to decomposition (decay) and bacteria breakdown. Everything that is dead has an odor; an indication of what has expired, what needs to be buried or removed from our lives.

Naturally, products have a shelf life or provide an expiration date to indicate when the duration of quality is up.  It’s a safeguard from poisoning and a way to manage freshness. It provides you with information to make informed decisions on what you select.

Let’s consider our refrigerator, when things are spoiled, moldy or expired it will offend your nostrils. No matter how many boxes of baking soda you have present, the smell will emerge and overpower. It’s an indicator to those who are sensitive or aware. There is a time where you cannot pretend to be “nose blind” because it will be that offensive. Sometimes, we like being naive and other times we are just numb due to repeated and prolonged exposure to the offense. We don’t even realize how we are being infected, affected, or effected. This is why we need people in our lives to hold us accountable. People that will be bold and caring enough to alert you. We also must keep in mind what we have ignored does and will affect others.

There are people, places, experiences, relationships etc. all past the expiration date were still holding on to. It’s offending us, infecting our moods, joy, peace and happiness. It allows us to hold on to offense and be defensive. It’s a consistent stench in our lives that we give a reaction to but it’s time to back up with action. How many times do you use that garbage that has foul smelling items inside before we are fed up and decide to take the trash out? Some may act immediately, other say “it’s not that bad”. Either way there comes a time when you must be responsible for what you allow in your environment and make a move. We have the power to allow something to infect and affect us. We are living in evidence of our decisions. What we did and even failed to do. Life will happen without your permission but for that which we can control, we must take control.

We often say “oh it’s a new day; I’m letting go of people place and things which no longer serve us” but we don’t mean it until much later. There’s the justification process, the internal war until it gets bad enough to say, “I can’t take this anymore”.  The act of letting go or releasing is a powerful one. Sometimes, it’s just painful. At one point, that thing or person was a blessing, useful or even brought us joy. In the past, there was pleasure and now it’s a belligerent issue or creating a threatening or disrespectful environment. You don’t need a neon sign, red flag or something nefarious to know when it’s time to let go. If it’s dead, it becomes dead weight. If it’s dead, it will stink up your life. Let go! It’s not benefitting, it’s not serving great purpose, it’s not an enhancement, it’s not an upgrade, it doesn’t improve your overall well-being. Let it Go!

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“Spin Da Block”

“Spin Da Block” is an urban term or slang that refers to the act of returning, another attempt, or a second chance. Think of it as walking around an actual block in circles. You are not truly distant, you’re in the area just not authentically present.

After a door is closed sometimes it serves as a reminder to keep it that way. We are sometimes too lenient and grant access to those who should remain outdoors. Knowing your worth will cause you to be very intentional about every connection. It will enable you to set standards, create boundaries, and abide by them.

Ask yourself “What type of people do I want to engage in my life?”, “Who and what no longer serves me?”, “Are the people I am surrounded by positive?” the list can continue forever. After establishing where you would like to go in your life, it’s imperative to surround yourself with like-minded individuals and be mindful of having healthy relationships.

Recognizing your worth is only the initial stage, being proactive about investing in yourself is another. Daily, we are challenged to choose right and to choose better than we did yesterday. Your emotional well-being and safety should be paramount on our lists.

When someone you were once romantic with or attracted to attempts to “spin da block” we often ask ourselves “What is it that this person wants THIS time”, insinuating that there was a level of engagement that had ended. Sometimes people enter a certain chapter of their lives and like to leave bookmarks. They “ghost” you or “leave you hanging”, wondering if you did something wrong or questioning what happened.

These types of individuals are great manipulators and often are masters of breadcrumbing and gaslighting. They like leaving a bookmark so they can pick up exactly where they left off with you. This prevents you from moving on to your next chapter. If they hold a key to your heart, this can be troubling and challenging. Some of us haven’t changed the locks to our hearts so they come and go as they please. We as humanity have to know when it’s time for a change. Let people circle all they want even to linger in front of your home but you do not have to answer.

Do that upgrade to your home (self), invest, pursue, expand, and broaden your horizons. When people are inside, they get comfortable and take advantage of the access but as soon as they are no longer permitted and see that enhancements are being made, they come running back and don’t allow it. Recognize that this is a game for most.

This doesn’t just apply to romantic connections; but to friends and other people who have displayed a toxic track record. You know the saying “When people show you who they are, believe them!”. Don’t just guard your heart (Bible) guard the entry and access points too. Sau “Yes!” to our best selves and say “No!” to all things and people contrary. Then you can make room for growth, development, inspiration, and ability to thrive. Remove that old bookmark and let the next chapter begin!

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When someone you were once romantic with or attracted to returns in your life.

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CONGRATULATIONS!

No IMPOSTER SYNDROME for me. I earned everything by the Grace of God. I know sometimes when you have been in the wilderness so long, when you finally make it to the promised land you are apprehensive and don’t know how to celebrate. You will ask yourself “Is this real?” and “How long will this last?”… What we fail to realize is that HE IS A PROMISE Keeper.

It’s okay you can put that heavy bag down; you can rest here. It’s okay to rejoice, IT’S SAFE! However, while in jubilee still maintain that work ethic, trust God, and recognize that nothing would be possible without Him because our steps are ordered. He never said it would be easy, just possible if you only believe. We’re not self-made anything, HE ALLOWED it. CONGRATULATIONS! You did well. You did something about what God told you. You pursued that thing you worked hard and finally accomplished it. ITS NOT SMALL! So, celebrate this new you, new day, new beginning but keep Him centered and give Him all the glory.

My new year started on August 1st, and I am already in 2025. I just want to be present in the present recognizing that all things work out for my good and that in itself is a PRESENT.

Stand on His promises, He will not fail you, He is not a liar!

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Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Review

I believe that the Sonic the Hedgehog movie was more than just your averaged feel-good movie filled with action and adventure. There is an undertone of understanding your power and the power of acceptance.

The Hedgehog named Sonic is the main character. He grows up sheltered because he was born gifted and couldn’t control or understand his power nor the way the world worked. He was able to use his gift and master skills but he had much to learn about life, interaction with others, social cues, and the perception of danger.

After losing a parent tragically, he has to grow up fast taking care of himself and living in the shadows. Hiding to keep his gifts from being exposed in fear of being captured. I learned that powerful people will always have a target on their backs. People who are different aren’t understood, they are first judged. There is another group of people who are eager to control, manipulate, and use those who are different or vulnerable  in order to feel powerful. Have you ever noticed that most villains had some tragic life event they never healed from? They end up bitter and evil and that’s where narcissism, evil, arrogance, and world domination come from. Most villains wear their insecurities as garments to seek control and simultaneously revenge by projecting their feelings onto the innocent.

Sonic dealt with just that. An evil dominating figure who used technology and achievements to create a grandiose self-image to mask his low self-worth and past. Sonic was seen as an outsider and a threat.  He was pursued but what the mad scientist didn’t understand was the power of acceptance and community. Sonic developed a trusting relationship and was genuinely loved and accepted. Someone took time to know him and see him for who he was. They didn’t want to consume or smother his gifts but teach him how to operate in wisdom and discretion.

They also taught him balance. He got the lesson of a lifetime by learning that “all his life he didn’t have to fight” (or in this case run). There was no longer a need for a “ring of escape” with a “ring of support”. Someone had his back this time, finally, he was not alone. He can finally pause and slow down. His friends welcomed him into their lives, home, family, and most of all hearts and that’s what the real connection was about. Fur or skin they connected on human values and issues and established common ground. We all need that to go where we are loved and settle where we are accepted. I learned that inclusion and equity are not the same. One action says “I’m tolerating your presence” while the other boldly proclaims that “you are welcome and have a place here”.

“there was no longer a need for a ring of escape with a ring of support!”

Sonic participated in the exchange of love, friendship, and acceptance. He taught others that what they thought of as mundane, or average was something special and to be grateful. He had a new perspective on life and the world the humans lived in within the small town. What he witnessed was trust, honor and community and he highlighted the fat that they should never take it for granted. Sonic was privileged to experience what most crave, a healthy relationship. I have a few questions for you…

  1. Are the people in your life reciprocating love and support?
  2. Are you in an environment where you are accepted?
  3. Is your voice respected? and is there autonomy?
  4. Do you feel seen, heard, and understood?
  5. Do you feel safe and protected?
  6. Are there balanced relationships?
  7. What do you define as a healthy community?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, what would you do to change it? We’re not going to make it in this world alone. We need the right people to endure challenges, help us realize our full potential, grow and accept the dreams really do come true.

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Happy Wife, Happy Life

“Happy wife, happy life!” is an old adage that seems to be widely accepted but should be reevaluated. Initially, it was created with the connotation that if your partner is happy then ultimately, you will be too. That’s wise! However, when I think of this phrase; it paints a picture of this subservient, emasculated male ignoring his boundaries, autonomy, voice and opinion all for the sake of saving his marriage.

It’s safe to say that many believe that once a woman seemed to be pleased and has some form of control, then the marriage is successful. Although an antiquated belief that men are the head of the household, whatever happened to a partnership perspective? Pardon me, but nothing is truly successful unless there are mutual benefactors.

Healthy relationships are not the absence of opposition or conflict but rather measured by the strength to overcome as a unit. It’s okay to have diametrically opposed views. One does not need to become “small” or hide a perspective because it will upset another. Your partner should validate your feelings as well as respect your view. We are individuals, no human is exactly alike, and our life experiences, values and world views are not going to be identical either. It does not matter how compatible you are. At some point, you’re going to disagree.

We can no longer accept self-abandonment to replace relational intelligence. Everyone needs relational skills, but it should begin with yourself. Knowing your needs and acknowledging them is a healthy mental state. Being able to say “no” and self-advocate are necessary because all of our needs and voice matters. If you feel the need to silence yourself or just acquiesce to keep the peace, then there are some greater issues in that relationship to explore. This form of behavior can also be patronizing and harmful. The “whatever you say” attitude will build up like a volcano and eventually explode regardless of your patience and tolerance levels. There is no way an individual can live happily always having to digress. Don’t get me wrong, we must be wise in choosing our battles and be conscious of when to compromise. The ability to discern which road to take is for healthy people in healthy relationships. This is for the folks in the back with no voice, leadership, joy, peace or respect. Men need safety and care too. Women were not the only ones born with emotions and feelings. Men are often taught to be strong to become the epitome of a man, but that has created pain, facades and anguish.

If you feel the need to prioritize your partners feelings by forsaking yours as lifestyle then you must seek counseling. Get help because there is a lack of security on all fronts. It could be that your partner is not a safe space, or you never been in a safe place and have difficulty exploring this new freedom. You matter, your mental and emotional health matters. KNOW that the state of your relationship needs to be a safe and nurturing environment that makes health its sole priority. Be well, live well!

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Deflecting Light

Deflection, a coping mechanism for many. A way for humans to redirect focus and attention of something unfavorable from themselves unto another. Typically associated with defense mechanism.

I was thinking today. Don’t we sometimes use these methods with our Father? When faced with ourselves. Aren’t we quick to have the Adam syndrome… It was the woman, friend, boss etc. you gave me. We rarely take accountability unbeknownst to us because we can’t see ourselves. That’s why we have the Holy Spirit to being things to us previously unaware.

Sometimes when were defensive it’s because its cousin offense is present. Your uncomfortable with this feeling or emotion so we quickly try to shake it off. We ignore the very person shedding light on us to help us. Sometimes living and adjustment to darkness will always make light disturbing. We treat people like this, but we treat God like he as I’d he were “people”. We got issues and an attitude so we gonna ignore him. We’re not mature emotionally or spiritually to let him address. It requires vulnerability and were not ready (Kevin Hart voice).

Realizing today, categories are important and vital to our Relational intelligence with folks and most importantly to God. I repent for ignoring God. How dumb when the answer is He! Issues, no problem for him. We trust God for stuff, breakthrough, miracles etc. but can’t trust Him with our hearts and emotions. We gotta change that! We need to rid deflect when we recollect. To consider the goodness of God and how He has been with you and carried you. A memory of his faithfulness will keep you from ignoring Him but being humble and vulnerable with a great level of trust.

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I’m TRANS… formed!

Let them be confused about who you are now! (Divine Misunderstanding)

– DR. courtney m. bradley

When you look at the transgender community, you’ll see a people who are fully persuaded about their lifestyle. They are passionate about transformation and “becoming”. Similar to Michelle Obamas book, there’s a whole process to endure as you evolve into what is new and who you were intended to be.

It’s high time that the body of Christ adapts that mentality as well be tenacious about our walk. So what if people are stuck on who you used to be? Let them be confused about who you are now. Be bold about your stance and choice in Christ. Endure the process, go to great lengths and be excited about your original self being introduced to you. Be transformed unapologetically!

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Celibacy and Christianity: True Test of Faith

One of the biggest topics in the world is based on relationships. Relations are just interactions that develop, and form based on the level of access we give someone. Some grow, but all need to be managed. We’re all born with an innate desire for a sense of belonging and to connect with other human beings. How we pursue relationships to fill that void is another discussion.

Many are blessed to find and unite with their “person” or soulmate. Others are still searching or waiting to be found. Churches have dedicated group relationship status where they discuss lifestyles and tips to live a life aligned with that of Christ. With Christ as the center and core of our essence, the subject of dating gets interesting. Many acknowledge that they are “not just anybody therefore they cannot just be with anybody”- Bishop Mervin Harding. I completely agree, life as a Believer is a life souled out, set apart, and targeted. I’m not saying we cannot mingle with others who don’t share the same beliefs but being “unequally yoked” is a demise waiting to happen.

Being unequally yoked doesn’t always mean a Christian and Non-Believer are dating. It’s also dating another Christian of another denomination, has diametrically opposed views, and conflicting life practices and whose personal walk doesn’t reflect anything close to their profession. The world doesn’t respect Christianity not because of the many forms of it but because we don’t practice what we preach. Things are confusing because we’re not brand ambassadors staying on brand, we contradict. We somewhat believe the word and accept partial truths to mix in with our walk. This is why it’s imperative to have discernment and also seek God about who you connect to. We shouldn’t casually date, but date intentionally.

Be clear about your core values, boundaries, and challenges. It’s best to connect with a partner who can encourage you and push you to live your best life. A partner who understands your goal and your God. When you are secure in yourself and your standards, you should be strong enough to take a stand. Having the “sex talk” with your partner isn’t sinful it’s life. You both should be partnering to live life as a vessel that is pure and ready for God to use. If your partner wants, you to compromise or is getting aggressive it’s a red flag. If your desires don’t align then that’s something to discuss. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a walk in the park, being celibate. It is a challenge especially when your partner is “fine” and very attractive.

You may have an active imagination and may struggle in this area. No need for shame, it’s natural. Many musicians and Levites struggle with their flesh. Forerunners that carry the sound or glory will always get hit hard. Temptation means something offered to you that you like and desire. Nothing dangled in front of you will be unappealing. Please know that you’re not alone. No cold shower is going to help. These little tricks don’t do anything if you need deliverance in this area. It’s advised to find activities to substitute frustrations. It sounds like a cliché but talking to God about helping you through this will work. Be honest about where you are and venerable in your prayers. You don’t need Him to take away the passion you have just help you take it until it’s time to release it.

The word of God is a defense. If we hide the word, we might not sin against Him (Psalm 119:11) and keep our mind on things that will edify and feed our spirit. Know that music is masterfully crafted and also is a spiritual expression and experience. Guarding your ear gates is a necessary step. You can’t live in a bubble, but your eyes also need guarding. If you struggle with sexual addictions, then that’s a discussion for your Pastor and or Sex Therapist. It’s advised to find activities and ways to “cool down”.

Please be selective about the people you allow in your space and the places you choose to go. If you know you can’t handle certain environments do yourself a favor and turn down that invitation. Delete the numbers of those who are eager to see you cheat on your first love (Christ) and have no regard for your wishes. One thing I remind myself is that I’m heir to a celestial throne and the last thing I need to do is intentionally place myself in the midst of fire. As a musician or leader in ministry, whatever spirits we “exchange” or open up ourselves to we open a door for the enemy to infiltrate our encounters and environments. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy… remember? (John 10:10) He has no authority to harm you. He needs divine permission (see Job) or we make ways for Him to be comfortable.

We compromise and that’s why Believers are not respected. If you happen to fall, shake yourself and get back up. The enemy will make you feel conflicted, but the Holy Spirit will convict. The enemy will make you feel filthy but remind yourself that God’s desire is to give you a chance to be forgiven. Pastor Donnie sang “get back up again”. You’re still a child of God, do not cower don’t hide like Adam and Eve. God looks forward to dialogues with you. Regardless of your state whether you just fell, now standing, or have been running the race of celibacy for a while know that’s it’s worth the wait. Know you are more than a moment, you worth the wait. I think of it as the difference between fast food and a fine dining experience. Fast food is easy, cheap, and unhealthy but it’s great for a moment. There are no real nutrients. Substance comes from a well-cooked meal. If you go to an elite restaurant and order its best, there is a wait time. You may see everyone around you getting what they order ahead of you but who said it’s delicious or even the correct order? What you may order may take a little more time to prepare. We want God’s best, let him take time to marinate what will bless your palette. If he made you a promise. He will fulfill it on His schedule. Let Master Chef put some extra love into what needs to love you perfectly.

Father teach me how to wait. What do you need of me in the interim? Waiting is weighty and let me tell you why. While you wait your literally taking on the weight of your call and assignment. You are increasing your intimacy with your first love. We must keep in mind that our bodies are not our own. We are bought with a price. God owns us but it’s our job to manage the vessel. Remind yourself that everything you do affects the whole. Consider how your actions can pollute your authentic witness and effectiveness. We can’t lead by living a lie.  This is a great time to ask yourself, Do I trust God? You’re probably saying of course I do. “I Luh God” (Mary Mary) but what does Faith have to do with celibacy or abstinence? … trust!

Trust is blind faith. I know that when we want to do the right thing evil is ever present (Romans 7:19-25). Can we trust God with our emotions and sex life? Or is He limited to bills, certain miracles, some signs, and wonders? He doesn’t have a glass ceiling; we create them with impatience mixed with unclear expectations. Do we trust Him to be the one to coordinate our relationships? Can we endure and fight this good fight with expectation? There is a great reward. Go after God with your whole heart. Withhold nothing let every part of us be for Him. He gave up everything to give us everything. Real love is about sacrifice. What can we give up in exchange for His reward? Isn’t He worth it?

There are so many benefits to abstinence or celibacy.

  1. Clearer mind and spirit
  2. No risk of unintentional pregnancies
  3. Protection for STD’s and STI’s
  4. Peace of Mind
  5. Boosts your immunity
  6. Avoidance of clouded decisions
  7. A chance to decipher if its love or lust
  8. Test the patience and respect of a partner
  9. Boosts anger management
  11. Increased strength in your stance
  12. A great opportunity to be used by God
  13. Time to get to know your partner for real
  14. Maintain a moral posture within your Christian walk

The choice is yours. Your life hands in the balance based on your obedience. The type of vows you make to God also determine the quality of life you experience.

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Dear Leader Part 1

Dear Leaders,

Mom often used this old adage… “Encouragement sweetens labor”. My Pastor says, “Lovers are not like workers, they don’t burn out!”. With that being said, it is always wise to uplift your team. It will increase morale, and confidence in their roles as well as enhance productivity.

This is not flattery or vain words to boost an ego. Sincere recognition of one’s potential and acknowledgment of one’s efforts will go a long way. Real leaders recognize future leaders and do their best to develop and guide them. When someone is in an environment that is encouraging, their potential is being watered. The grounds of their abilities are limitless. They begin to perceive the vision and mission in new ways. They love what they do and enjoy being a part of the team.

These motivated individuals are most likely to go above and beyond what’s required and often take initiative. Oftentimes, people who feel overlooked and have no sense of belonging quit, fall back, experience a decline in work ethic, have poor attitudes and the list continues. They are not bad people; every plant needs water to survive. Leadership is responsible to create, maintain and enhance the work environment. It needs to be one that is conducive to growth, and overall health with a goal to yield maximum and desired results.