One of the biggest topics in the world is based on relationships. Relations are just interactions that develop, and form based on the level of access we give someone. Some grow, but all need to be managed. We’re all born with an innate desire for a sense of belonging and to connect with other human beings. How we pursue relationships to fill that void is another discussion.
Many are blessed to find and unite with their “person” or soulmate. Others are still searching or waiting to be found. Churches have dedicated group relationship status where they discuss lifestyles and tips to live a life aligned with that of Christ. With Christ as the center and core of our essence, the subject of dating gets interesting. Many acknowledge that they are “not just anybody therefore they cannot just be with anybody”- Bishop Mervin Harding. I completely agree, life as a Believer is a life souled out, set apart, and targeted. I’m not saying we cannot mingle with others who don’t share the same beliefs but being “unequally yoked” is a demise waiting to happen.
Being unequally yoked doesn’t always mean a Christian and Non-Believer are dating. It’s also dating another Christian of another denomination, has diametrically opposed views, and conflicting life practices and whose personal walk doesn’t reflect anything close to their profession. The world doesn’t respect Christianity not because of the many forms of it but because we don’t practice what we preach. Things are confusing because we’re not brand ambassadors staying on brand, we contradict. We somewhat believe the word and accept partial truths to mix in with our walk. This is why it’s imperative to have discernment and also seek God about who you connect to. We shouldn’t casually date, but date intentionally.
Be clear about your core values, boundaries, and challenges. It’s best to connect with a partner who can encourage you and push you to live your best life. A partner who understands your goal and your God. When you are secure in yourself and your standards, you should be strong enough to take a stand. Having the “sex talk” with your partner isn’t sinful it’s life. You both should be partnering to live life as a vessel that is pure and ready for God to use. If your partner wants, you to compromise or is getting aggressive it’s a red flag. If your desires don’t align then that’s something to discuss. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a walk in the park, being celibate. It is a challenge especially when your partner is “fine” and very attractive.
You may have an active imagination and may struggle in this area. No need for shame, it’s natural. Many musicians and Levites struggle with their flesh. Forerunners that carry the sound or glory will always get hit hard. Temptation means something offered to you that you like and desire. Nothing dangled in front of you will be unappealing. Please know that you’re not alone. No cold shower is going to help. These little tricks don’t do anything if you need deliverance in this area. It’s advised to find activities to substitute frustrations. It sounds like a cliché but talking to God about helping you through this will work. Be honest about where you are and venerable in your prayers. You don’t need Him to take away the passion you have just help you take it until it’s time to release it.
The word of God is a defense. If we hide the word, we might not sin against Him (Psalm 119:11) and keep our mind on things that will edify and feed our spirit. Know that music is masterfully crafted and also is a spiritual expression and experience. Guarding your ear gates is a necessary step. You can’t live in a bubble, but your eyes also need guarding. If you struggle with sexual addictions, then that’s a discussion for your Pastor and or Sex Therapist. It’s advised to find activities and ways to “cool down”.
Please be selective about the people you allow in your space and the places you choose to go. If you know you can’t handle certain environments do yourself a favor and turn down that invitation. Delete the numbers of those who are eager to see you cheat on your first love (Christ) and have no regard for your wishes. One thing I remind myself is that I’m heir to a celestial throne and the last thing I need to do is intentionally place myself in the midst of fire. As a musician or leader in ministry, whatever spirits we “exchange” or open up ourselves to we open a door for the enemy to infiltrate our encounters and environments. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy… remember? (John 10:10) He has no authority to harm you. He needs divine permission (see Job) or we make ways for Him to be comfortable.
We compromise and that’s why Believers are not respected. If you happen to fall, shake yourself and get back up. The enemy will make you feel conflicted, but the Holy Spirit will convict. The enemy will make you feel filthy but remind yourself that God’s desire is to give you a chance to be forgiven. Pastor Donnie sang “get back up again”. You’re still a child of God, do not cower don’t hide like Adam and Eve. God looks forward to dialogues with you. Regardless of your state whether you just fell, now standing, or have been running the race of celibacy for a while know that’s it’s worth the wait. Know you are more than a moment, you worth the wait. I think of it as the difference between fast food and a fine dining experience. Fast food is easy, cheap, and unhealthy but it’s great for a moment. There are no real nutrients. Substance comes from a well-cooked meal. If you go to an elite restaurant and order its best, there is a wait time. You may see everyone around you getting what they order ahead of you but who said it’s delicious or even the correct order? What you may order may take a little more time to prepare. We want God’s best, let him take time to marinate what will bless your palette. If he made you a promise. He will fulfill it on His schedule. Let Master Chef put some extra love into what needs to love you perfectly.
Father teach me how to wait. What do you need of me in the interim? Waiting is weighty and let me tell you why. While you wait your literally taking on the weight of your call and assignment. You are increasing your intimacy with your first love. We must keep in mind that our bodies are not our own. We are bought with a price. God owns us but it’s our job to manage the vessel. Remind yourself that everything you do affects the whole. Consider how your actions can pollute your authentic witness and effectiveness. We can’t lead by living a lie. This is a great time to ask yourself, Do I trust God? You’re probably saying of course I do. “I Luh God” (Mary Mary) but what does Faith have to do with celibacy or abstinence? … trust!
Trust is blind faith. I know that when we want to do the right thing evil is ever present (Romans 7:19-25). Can we trust God with our emotions and sex life? Or is He limited to bills, certain miracles, some signs, and wonders? He doesn’t have a glass ceiling; we create them with impatience mixed with unclear expectations. Do we trust Him to be the one to coordinate our relationships? Can we endure and fight this good fight with expectation? There is a great reward. Go after God with your whole heart. Withhold nothing let every part of us be for Him. He gave up everything to give us everything. Real love is about sacrifice. What can we give up in exchange for His reward? Isn’t He worth it?
There are so many benefits to abstinence or celibacy.
- Clearer mind and spirit
- No risk of unintentional pregnancies
- Protection for STD’s and STI’s
- Peace of Mind
- Boosts your immunity
- Avoidance of clouded decisions
- A chance to decipher if its love or lust
- Test the patience and respect of a partner
- Boosts anger management
- Increased strength in your stance
- A great opportunity to be used by God
- Time to get to know your partner for real
- Maintain a moral posture within your Christian walk
The choice is yours. Your life hands in the balance based on your obedience. The type of vows you make to God also determine the quality of life you experience.
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